Until Daddy Comes Back
by Kylrane
Summary: Vince McMahon calls upon my dad for a load of help. I'm left alone at home, and I can't drive yet. So who's taking care of me? Random WWE Superstars! PG-13 for language. Chapter 17 up! You may be surprised to see who made the trip to WrestleMania!
1. Daddy Come Back!

Disclaimer: I do not own the WWE, I am not affiliated with the WWE, and I certainly don't know anybody from the WWE. Ok...now that's done...I do own myself, and my dad owns my dad. I think. Maybe my mom owns my dad...anywho, um, just don't sue me ok? Oh yeah, my dad's name ain't Roy, it's just...I'll be grounded if I use his real name. It's too uncommon.  
  
[The phone rings. Kylrane has her headphones on, and she's not really paying any attention. The answering machine says "Leave a message" and there's some guy screaming. Kylrane immediately picks it up.]  
  
Kylrane:....Hello?  
  
Voice on phone: AUGHH!!! DAMNIT!  
  
Kylrane: Who is this?!  
  
Voice: Get your father on the phone!  
  
Kylrane: Not until I find out who this is.  
  
Voice: DAMNIT KID, I'M VINCENT K. MCMAHON! LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR FATHER!  
  
Kylrane: EEE! Sorry, mister....[goes off with phone, telling her dad it's one of his clients or something...]  
  
Vince: Roy! DAMNIT, THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES!!  
  
Kylrane's dad: VINCE? WHAT'S GOING ON?  
  
Vince: I NEED YOU TO COME AND FIX EVERYONE'S INSURANCE PLANS! PEOPLE'S LAWYERS ARE COMING SAYING THERE'S A LOOPHOLE AND I NEED YOU TO FIX IT NOW!  
  
Kylrane's dad: I can't, my kid needs to be driven around everyday. We don't allow HER to use public transportation, she gets lost....  
  
Vince: I'LL HIRE A CHAUFFER, I'LL DO ANYTHING JUST COME FIX IT!!!  
  
Kylrane's dad: Ok, Ok, I'll be there tomorrow....calm down, Vince.  
  
Vince: Thanks a lot, Roy, I really appreciate it. I'll send over someone tonight.  
  
Kylrane's dad: [hangs up the phone] I'm leaving for Connecticut, and someone else will be taking you to school, ok?  
  
Kylrane: Great. Whatever. [sighs] So, who is it?  
  
Kylrane's dad: I don't really know.  
  
Kylrane: YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR DAUGHTER IN THE HANDS OF A STRANGER?  
  
Kylrane's dad: Whoever it is is coming here tonight. So if it's some idiot, I'll stay.  
  
Kylrane: [a little pouty face is coming on] Ok.....  
  
[Switches to Eric Bischoff and Stephanie McMahon in Vince's office. They are ready to cut each other's throats.]  
  
Vince: I'm having this life insurance thing taken care of. But what I need from the both of you is someone to watch a good friend's daughter. He's coming here to fix the problem, but the kid needs to be taken around town.  
  
Eric: What, so you want us to find a babysitter for the brat?  
  
Vince: No, it's just that if you feel that a superstar needs a little reminder of who's in charge...send 'em over.  
  
Steph: Are you serious, daddy? That's like giving someone a vacation.  
  
Vince: No, they're gonna be like the kid's servant. Anyway, I need someone quick. Any suggestions?  
  
Eric: Booker T and Goldust.  
  
Steph: Oh no, don't do that to the poor kid.  
  
Vince: Done. They'll be on a plane to New York first thing!  
  
[Go back to Kylrane's place. Her dad left already, leaving detailed instructions to the caretakers. Doorbell rings. Kylrane answers.]  
  
Booker T: This ain't look like some training facility!  
  
Goldust: Booker, this is some kid's house.  
  
Kylrane: Hey, I'm not some kid. Did Vince McMahon send you?  
  
Booker T: Yeah, who are you?  
  
Kylrane: You're driving me to school every morning from now on until my dad gets back. Looks like you two are stuck with me. Lucky there's a bunk bed in the spare room, didn't expect two guys. [She steps away from the door, allowing for them to come in. She stares at Goldust] Your face paint is dripping off...  
  
Goldust: DAMNIT! STUPID RAIN!  
  
Booker T: You got cable?  
  
Kylrane: Yeah, why? And who are you?  
  
Booker T: I'm Booker T, the FIVE TIME FIVE TIME FIVE TIME FIVE TIME FIVE TIME WCW Champion! That freak over there is my dogg Goldie.  
  
Goldust: Pleased to meet you. The name is GOLDUST! [does the creepy bite thing....]  
  
Kylrane: [scared] Yeah...um, I'm Kylrane....eh, what are we going to have for dinner?  
  
Booker T: [flops onto the couch] You got some Hungry Man meals?  
  
Kylrane: [staring at these people] Um, no. My dad usually cooks.  
  
Goldust: [sitting on the couch] What about your mother?  
  
Kylrane: [scratches head] Somehow, for this fic...she's not here. She's not coming...um, ok. Well, are you going to cook?  
  
Booker T: Yeah right!! Hey, do you have a tape of last night's RAW, I wanna see my fine looking self.  
  
Kylrane: Actually...yeah, I have a tape...my dad likes to watch that stuff...but I'm really hungry!!!  
  
Booker T: Then we be going to a supermarket later....after we watch the tape.  
  
Goldust: Alright! Hey, after dinner, let's watch 'The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood'!! [Booker T and Kylrane stare] Kidding!  
  
Kylrane: [really upset] daddy...wah....  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok, that sucked. I know. Hopefully things will get better. HOPEFULLY! Wah. Booker T and Goldust are so not cut out for child services. =P R&R, please! 


	2. Hungry Mans and Applesause

Disclaimer: I don't own the WWE. I own myself, and my dad owns himself, I guess. Eh, I don't want to own Booker T and Goldust, and I don't own the Hungry Man meals. Or Beefaroni. Don't sue me.  
  
Yay! I didn't expect any reviews, so much love goes out to Kazza and Carrianne! Thanks so much for the encouragement, I appreciate it!! =) Wahoo, I got a scholarship!! [Does little dance] OH YEAH, OH YEAH! Today's been a good day!  
  
[Kylrane's dad is pretty much buried under papers and papers]  
  
Kylrane's dad: [barely able to be heard] Maybe I should check up on my daughter, Vince, she's got school tomorrow. She's not on that scholarship for nothing.  
  
Vince: WHAT?  
  
Kylrane's dad: [still hard to hear] Didn't you fire the guy who had that catchphrase?  
  
Vince: WHAT?  
  
Kylrane's dad: [emerging from the papers] ARE YOU SURE MY KID'S GOING TO BE OK??  
  
Vince: Oh! [a little sheepish] uh, yeah, she's good....  
  
Kylrane's dad: Who's taking care of her?  
  
Vince: Have you heard of Booker T and Goldust?  
  
Kylrane's dad: AHH!!! NO! I DIDN'T GIVE HER DINNER YET!!!!!  
  
Vince: I'm sure she'll be fine.....  
  
Kylrane's dad: [fuming] Vince...  
  
Vince: I'll even check up on them, ok? Get back to work on those policies!!  
  
Kylrane's dad: [muttering under his breath] damn ingrate...  
  
[Back to New York, where Booker T, Goldust, and Kylrane are walking up and down the aisles of a supermarket.]  
  
Goldust: Why does your father have a mini van?  
  
Kylrane: [All cranky. She's starving and had to endure Goldust singing along to every Avril Lavigne song that came on the radio.] Shutup. He can't wait 'till I get my licsense, so he got a big car where he can sleep in the backseat.  
  
Booker T: [looking for some Hungry Man] We need to get ourselves some XXL Hungry Mans! At two for $5.99! $5.99!$5.99! $5.99!$5.99!  
  
Goldust: Yes! For you and GOLDUST...[does creepy bite thing again]  
  
Kylrane: [reads the Hungry Man box] I can't eat 1 &1/2 pounds of food! Are you kidding?! Can we PLEASE go to a Pizza Hut or something?  
  
Booker T: Kid, some Beefaroni will do you good! That's how I became the FIVE TIME FIVE TIME FIVE TIME FIVE TIME FIVE TIME WCW Champion! Now, go get some.  
  
Kylrane: [grumbles, but gets the cans of Beefaroni] How the heck are you supposed to pay for all this junk? You're going to eat all this Hungry Man stuff? And what's with the all the applesause?  
  
Goldust: HEHEHE [raises hand] I like applesause.  
  
Booker T: [to Kylrane] You expect us to pay?!  
  
Kylrane: You expect me to have money?! I don't get an allowance!! I'm fourteen!  
  
Goldust: It's ok, I have my credit card....  
  
Kylrane: ALRIGHT!!! [hatching evil plot in head]  
  
[They go back home. In about an hour, Booker T and Goldust are rubbing their stomachs. Two Hungry Man boxes and a Beefaroni can are in the garbage. Kylrane quietly sneaks Booker T's cell phone away...]  
  
Kylrane: I'm going to go to bed. Read that paper over there on the counter for directions to my high school, you're driving me tomorrow. [Goes upstairs into her room, and takes Booker T's cell phone out.] Hehehe, you'll be so useful. Let's see...Vince McMahon, Kane, The Hurricane.......  
  
[THE VERY NEXT DAY....]  
  
Goldust: It's a DAMN COLD NIGHT!!! Tryin' to figure out this life!! Won't you take me by the hand take me SOMEWHERE NEW!!!! Don't know who you are but I...I'M WITH YOU!!!  
  
Booker T: [shuts the radio off] Damn, you Gold freak! What the hell, Avril Lavigne???  
  
Goldust: Only until a Justin Timberlake song comes on.  
  
Kylrane: [banging head on window] WHY OH WHY?? [looks up for a second] Oh hey! Drop me off here, this is the school. [Opens car door]  
  
Booker T: [turns to look at her] You a Catholic school girl? Ha!  
  
Kylrane: SHUTUP! So what if I am? I'm way more realistic than any interpretations that are out there in the entertainment business. So...could you please buzz off?! This is embarassing!!!  
  
Goldust: [sniffing] They grow up so fast!!  
  
Kylrane: SHUTUP!  
  
Booker T: Tell me she did not just say that. Tell me she did not just say that.  
  
  
  
Ok, that wasn't so bad...I hope. Please Read and Review, I'm not afraid of constructive criticism! =) If it sucked, I understand. If you think it needs to be longer, just say so! Thanks! 


	3. Fire! Fire! Fire!

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own WWE or its wrestlers. I own myself. Daddy owns himself. And...I guess that's it. Wow, I didn't expect for so many people to review (yes, ten is a lot for me!) and I really thank you all for that! Hopefully I can fit some of you guys in a chapter or something. Enjoy! (if possible)  
  
[After three days with Booker T and Goldust, Kylrane goes nuts. They leave, and it's Stephanie's turn to choose a superstar to watch the poor kid. Eric Bischoff, who's all tense from that public job evaluation, is there, as well as Vince and Shane McMahon.]  
  
Vince: Have you chosen yet, Stephanie?  
  
Steph: I've got two people in mind. John Cena and Dawn Marie.  
  
Shane: Oh please, if you send Dawn Marie the kid will be traumatized for life. And John Cena...that Vanilla Ice wannabe is going to rap that girl to death.  
  
Eric: I already have my next choice for this job, and I'm ready to send them right away.  
  
Vince: Shutup Bischoff. Stephanie, please make your choice.  
  
Kylrane's dad: And make sure the person's not a bonehead!!!  
  
Steph: Aw, damn, you choose Eric. While you still have your job.  
  
Eric: I resent that deeply. Anyway, I choose Rico and Randy Orton.  
  
Kylrane's dad: WHAT?!  
  
Vince: Well...if your daughter calls you with any complaints, tell us and I will personally choose another person to watch over her.  
  
[Somewhere, in an airport]  
  
Goldust: [searching all over] Booker, have you seen my American Express Gold Card??  
  
Booker T: No.  
  
[Back at Kylrane's house. She's on the internet, with Goldust's credit card.]  
  
Kylrane: OOH! I CAN BUY MYSELF AN ELECTRIC GUITAR! I'M GONNA BE A ROCK STAR!!!! Oh, hey, I'll get myself this T-shirt first...hehehe... [the doorbell rings. She checks it and groans. To figure out who the hell was going to be watching her, she'd been watching and researching WWE wrestlers. At her door was Randy Orton and Rico.]  
  
Randy Orton: My shoulder is at 92% mobility!! I'm so great, and I'm so cute!!! Love me, pity me, adore me! I need fans!  
  
Rico: Oh my, this house needs such redecorating! My dear girl, your outfit is so not up to the trends, no bohemian chic whatsoever. Or are you going for that emo look??  
  
Kylrane: [looks up at the ceiling] WHY? [looks back at the two morons] You, lame rookie boy, shut up. Nobody gives a damn about your stupid shoulder. And you, sideburns, EMO IS NOT A STYLE!!! EMO'S A TERM FOR A MUSIC THAT SHOULDN'T BE LABLED ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR REALLY GOOD! Well, ok, I only like Dashboard Confessional, but....  
  
Rico: Yeah. Did you know aqua would be such good carpet for this house? We need to get working straight away!  
  
Orton: I need to tell my fans to email me and tell me I'm a good wrestler because I'm really just a dork!  
  
Kylrane: ARGH...[remembers the numbers she got off of Booker T's cell phone.] ah, excuse me! [She had copied most of the numbers off of Booker's phone onto her own. She dials Vince McMahon.]  
  
Vince: Vince McMahon here.  
  
Kylrane: Mr. McMahon, this is Kylrane.  
  
Vince: Who?  
  
Kylrane: Roy's daughter! The one who was stuck with Booker T and Goldust for the past few days!! Now I've got Rico and Randy Orton, and I want them out NOW!!  
  
Vince: What kind of postition are you in to demand things from Vincent K. McMahon?! Do you know who I am damnit?!  
  
Kylrane: I know that you are currently desperate to fix the insurance policies of WWE talent, writers, producers, etc. And my Daddy's been doing that work for you. If my Daddy hears how I've been so mistreated by the people you send me here, he'll come straight back to New York, leaving you screwed.  
  
Vince: [thinking] You've got some nerve.  
  
Kylrane: Damn right I do. I've eaten Beefaroni every meal for like four days.  
  
Vince: [sighs] Damnit, fine. Who do you want?  
  
Kylrane: [thinking] Quite frankly, I don't really know.  
  
Vince: The Hurricane?  
  
Kylrane: Unreliable. He'll run off to fight crime in an instant. I need to be paid attention.  
  
Vince: Undertaker?  
  
Kylrane: Isn't he like coming back on Royal Rumble? He can't watch me. He'll be too pissed.  
  
Vince: A-Train.  
  
Kylrane: PLEASE, NOT HIM!!! SO HAIRY!!! AUGH!!  
  
Vince: [desperate] Kane?  
  
Kylrane: The one that makes fire come out of the turnbuckles?  
  
Vince: Yeah. He can cook and clean.  
  
Kylrane: Can he make fire come out of anything he wants?  
  
Vince: Probably.  
  
Kylrane: ALRIGHT!! Hey, can you send someone who will be my test dummy?  
  
Vince: Test dummies?  
  
Kylrane: Science fair project: How high up does a human have to jump from so a hole forms at impact?  
  
Vince: No, I can't send you someone to do that. Royal Rumble. But afterwards, I'll see if one of the Hardyz will do that...  
  
Kylrane: YES!! Ok, then. Please hurry. Rico is color coding the spice cabinet.  
  
Vince: Yeah, yeah. Goodbye. And never call this number again.  
  
Kylrane: You can thank Booker T, I got this number from him. [click]  
  
Orton: Are you a fan of mine? Shake my other hand, my shoulder isn't at 100% mobility yet, but if you send me more get well emails....  
  
Rico: Randy, you'd have so many more female fans if you cut your hair again! All that hair is in the way of that handsome face!!  
  
Orton: You're right! The ladies can't see my gorgeous eyes well enough! But I like the hair, so if the fans would send some "To cut or not to cut" emails....  
  
Kylrane: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! AUGH!!  
  
Rico: But I haven't even gone over wardrobe with you yet!  
  
Kylrane: I DON'T GIVE A DAMN, I SAID GET OUT!!  
  
Orton: My fans will be so displeased.  
  
Kylrane: Like you have any! Go away!!  
  
Rico: [sniffs] We don't have to take this, Randy. Let's go. [They storm out, all bitchy]  
  
Kylrane: [looks up] Has my luck been running out since the scholarship? [Doorbell rings. She jumps, and flings the door open.] I SAID GET OUT YOU FREAKS!!  
  
Kane: [scratches head] Erm, I never got in.  
  
Kylrane: [ogles for a moment.] Eh, that was really fast. Go Vince McMahon. [Kane goes into the house] Can you make fire come out of that bush over there?? And I'm hungry!!  
  
  
  
There. Hope it's ok. By the way, I couldn't really think of any good Smackdown! people to send over to the house, so I had to do that. Any suggestions? Pretty please?? =P Tell me what you think! 


	4. Stupid Chair, Stupid Stairs, Stupid Rumb...

Disclaimer: I don't own the WWE or its wrestlers. All I really own is this Dashboard Confessional CD and myself. Oh well.  
  
Please review!!! I update fast for you guys! I like reviews!! But I'm a little afraid of flames, as you can see in this next chapter.  
  
  
  
[Kane is outside in Kylrane's backyard, wearing a red apron that says "Hell of a Cook" over his huge winter coat. He's barbecuing some steaks. In the winter. When the windchill makes it feel like it's 8 degrees farenheit.]  
  
Kylrane: [from the window] You don't have to grill food for me, you know, our stove works fine!!  
  
Kane: It's ok! I'm chillin and grillin! This is good!  
  
Kylrane: [a little weirded out] Ok...hey, can you make that rock go on fire?? [points to a medium sized rock by the driveway]  
  
Kane: Ah, hell, why not? [He does a hand motion towards the rock. A lighting bolt comes down and ignites the rock.]  
  
Kylrane: [excited. She likes fire.] SWEET!! [The flame bursts into a bigger fire.] AHHH! Put it out, put it out!!!!  
  
Kane: [does another hand motion. The fire is gone.] Do you want your steak medium, rare, or well done?  
  
Kylrane: [really weirded out] Eh...medium. Can you teach me how to start fires?  
  
Kane: Nope. Born with it.  
  
Kylrane: Damn. Well, when you take me to school, can you like set some kid's bookbag on fire, he's such a jerk...  
  
Kane: No. That would be arson, and you're a kid.  
  
Kylrane: I'M NOT A KID!!!!  
  
Kane: Fine, you're a....young lady. But you still can't do that to people, it's illegal. Trust me.  
  
Kylrane: But you set the turnbuckles on fire at matches!  
  
Kane: That's pyrotechnics. Special effects. Not really fire.  
  
Kylrane: [really pissed] Vince McMahon LIED TO ME!!! ARGHH!!!! DAMNIT!!!  
  
Kane: Hey, didn't you see the Raw when I set that guy on fire??  
  
Kylrane: Uh...you set a guy on fire?!  
  
[They have a really good dinner, and Kylrane's really happy it's not Beefaroni. He goes to sleep in the spare room on the first floor. Her room's on the second floor. At around 2:00AM someone's sneaking around the second floor.]  
  
Unknown Person: [Tip toes through the center room. It's a wooden floor, so it's pretty quiet. He tries to make it through the hallway, but falls over a roller chair that's in the middle of the hall.] AUGH! DAMNIT!!!  
  
Kylrane: [wakes up, groggy, and grabs her algebra textbook. She goes into the hall, sees a figure on the floor, and hurls the textbook at him. She then runs down the stairs.] KANE!!! KANE!!! HELP!! THERE'S A DUDE UP THERE!!!  
  
Kane: [Wakes up, and walks steadily to the second floor. He's wearing flannel pajamas and is holding a teddy bear.] A dude? You mean a burglar? I'll kick his ass...[they head back upstairs and flick the lights on] Oh shit. You knocked him out.  
  
Kylrane: See? Textbooks ARE too heavy nowadays. [kicks the guy on the floor] You bastard, what the hell are you doing sneaking around my house?!  
  
Kane: [picks the guy up and takes off the ski mask] What the...? Raven??  
  
Kylrane: Hang on, I'll get him awake. [She takes the textbook and whacks him across the face with it. He wakes up and is pissed.]  
  
Raven: WHAT THE HELL?! WHAT DID I DO?!  
  
Kane: You snuck into this kid's house, you idiot.  
  
Kylrane: I'M NOT A KID!!!  
  
Raven: Hey, I haven't gotten any real TV appearances except for Heat and I need to get some exposure!  
  
Kylrane: HOW THE HELL IS SNEAKING INTO MY HOUSE GONNA GET YOU ON RAW?!  
  
Raven: I dunno. Maybe Vince McMahon will see I have RUTHLESS AGGRESSION! Nobody notices Raven. No one cares when Raven has different tights, or when Raven gets a new tattoo! What about me?! What about Raven?!  
  
Kane: How about I chokeslam your ass?! [gets Raven by the throat and gets ready to throw him down]  
  
Kylrane: HEY! Do that downstairs, I can't afford to have scratches on the floor. I'll get in trouble again...  
  
Kane: Well, ok. [Hurls Raven down the stairs. Kylrane can hear the front door open and Raven's body being dropped out.]  
  
Kylrane: [starts to go back to her room. She trips over the same roller chair Raven fell over.] AUGH!! DAMNIT!!!  
  
[The next day, Kane's walking around with his teddy bear and pajamas. He's making breakfast. Kylrane falls down the stairs, once again due to the roller chair, and is cursing.]  
  
Kane: Pack up, kid.  
  
Kylrane: I'M NOT A KID!!! AND WHY AM I PACKING?! [rubbing her head] ouchies....  
  
Kane: I'm competing in the royal rumble. That means you've got to go too. And when we get there, you're getting a new babysitter.  
  
Kylrane: But WHY?! You're the first competent caretaker I've had so far, and I'm gonna get dumped on someone again?!  
  
Kane: Sorry. But I planning on winning the rumble. And when I win, I'll be in demand on Raw. Finally.  
  
Kylrane: [all bitchy] Well then. Leave me here. And just so you know, now I'm going to root for Jeff Hardy to win even though he probably won't!!!  
  
Kane: [in a shouting match] FINE!  
  
Kylrane: FINE!  
  
Kane: FINE!  
  
Kylrane: FINE!  
  
Kane: FI- hey, why do you say Hardy won't win?  
  
Kylrane: Because in like every important match he's been in lately, he loses. Even if you're a fan, you've got to admit that.  
  
Kane: Well, true. You'll be fine alone today?  
  
Kylrane: I could probably call Vince McMahon and call him again for another sitter.  
  
Kane: Again?  
  
Kylrane: Yeah. And I've got your number too, thanks to a certain person's cell phone. So if I need anything, I'll be calling.  
  
Kane: Aw damn. Well, I WILL win tonight! I WILL!  
  
Kylrane: We'll see.  
  
Kane: Damn right, you'll see.  
  
Kylrane: FINE!  
  
Kane: FINE!  
  
  
  
  
  
Ah, Kane fighting with a fourteen year old. A kind of short fourteen year old, mind you. So, who will be the next victim-er, person to deal with Kylrane? Will Goldust ever realize Kylrane has his credit card? Will Kane win? Will Jeff lose? [gets hit by an unknown object] Hey! I think Jeff's cool, and I hope he wins because he never does, but you know what was said above is true!! EEE! Don't hurt me!! Review, please! Even if it wasn't good! 


	5. Version 1: Now Obsolete

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for myself!!!  
  
Hey all! Wow, there's been a bunch of reviews! [Gets all teary] I'm SO HAPPY! [Goes back to normal self] Now, because I always forget to watch Smackdown, I'm holding a little contest. Why do I forget to watch Smackdown? I don't really know, it's just that I always seem to have the most homework on Thursdays. Plus I've been coming from school later on Thursdays. Choir practice. Go on, laugh. I'll sing you to death. Anyway, the first two people get to choose the next two babysitters. I'm not going to force you guys to choose a Smackdown person, but I'd prefer babysitters from that show. Only because I have to be fair. Don't want Stephanie coming after me... Oh yeah, the question. I HAVE to stop rambling...ok, what is the name of the song Kylrane is singing and who is it by?? (Hint: think about the performer I've been talking about in the author notes and the chapters. Check my bio. It may help.) If no one can come up with the correct answer by....lets see, today's the 20th of January so January 25, I guess I could do another question.  
  
Now to the story! Wow that was long!!  
  
  
  
[Stephanie, Eric Bischoff, Shane McMahon, and Vince McMahon are in Vince's office again. Kylrane's dad is still under a mountain of papers.]  
  
Vince: Well, Steph, will you decide the babysitter this time?  
  
Stephanie: Yes, I will. But first I would like to point out that a SMACKDOWN superstar won the Royal Rumble, and Wrestlemania will feature a SMACKDOWN main event, and not a Raw main event. The Smackdown General Manager won't be getting fired in less than 30 days, and the Smackdown General Manager has been doing a much better job than the Raw General Manager. Also-  
  
Shane: Steph, uh, that's enough.  
  
Eric: Yeah...that was definitely a kick in the balls.  
  
Stephanie: [grins at Eric] I hoped it would be.  
  
Kylrane's dad: [voice is muffled from underneath the papers] Hey, get back to the matter of who's watching my kid!!!  
  
Eric: Huh?  
  
Vince: What?  
  
Shane: I dunno.  
  
Stephanie: Well, I'll just choose the next wrestlers to watch that kid. Because of Matt Hardy's failure to properly train Shannon Moore to win matches, I choose Matt Hardy Version 1 and his MFer, Shannon Moore.  
  
Kylrane's dad: Who?  
  
Stephanie: [angry] What, you don't watch Smackdown??  
  
Kylrane's dad: It's not that. It's just I don't watch boring matches.  
  
Stephanie: [even more angry] I DON'T BOOK BORING MATCHES!!!!  
  
Shane: [puts a hand on Steph's shoulder] I think he means he thinks Shannon Moore and Matt Hardy are boring, not Smackdown.  
  
Stephanie: [calms down] Oh. Ok. More reason to punish them, they're costing me viewers.  
  
Eric: [under his breath] Bet Raw doesn't have boring wrestlers.  
  
Stephanie: WHAT?!  
  
[Back to Kylrane's house. Kylrane's lying on the couch with a blanket over her. It's freezing cold, and she forgot about adjusting the thermostat so the heat's higher. Oh well.]  
  
Kylrane: [shivering but still singing along] On the way home, this car hears my confessions. I think tonight I'll take the long way. This weather. The wi nd outside is biting. It has left me feeling tired & exposed! [doorbell rings. She pauses the DVD and walks over to the window. Shannon Moore and Matt Hardy are standing outside the door.] AW, MAN!!! NOT THESE GUYS...[opens door]  
  
Matt: [does that Version 1 hand thing] Come, Shannon, maybe this girl is a Matt Follower like you.  
  
Shannon: But I'm the Number 1 MFer, right? NO ONE can take my place, right??  
  
Matt: Uh, yeah, you little runt. [gives him a noogie]  
  
Shannon: [still in the headlock] Yeah! You see kid, you'll NEVER be a bigger MFer than ME!!!!  
  
Kylrane: I don't plan on becoming one...[Gets glares from Matt and Shannon. Now she's scared.]...as big as you! I have low expectations!!! Hahaha...yeah.  
  
Matt: Come on, you've got to have higher goals! Self-confidence is an important Mattribute, and without it, you don't have true Mattitude!!  
  
Kylrane: Uh-huh. Right. [shivers]  
  
Shannon: Are you cold?  
  
Kylrane: No, I just have my coat, two layers of clothes, and a blanket on because I want to try and melt. YES, I'M COLD!!!  
  
Shannon: Oh. Because there's a thermostat thing over there and it says it's keeping the heat at 50 degrees.  
  
Kylrane: Oh. [embarrassed because an idiot pointed out the obvious to her] Well, thank you. [Goes over and adjusts the heat.]  
  
Matt: See Shannon?! With my Mattributes, you figured that out!!! We did it!  
  
Shannon: Yeah, we did it!  
  
Kylrane: [puzzled] I thought blondie did it. [recieves an evil glare from Matt] But, I could be wrong....  
  
Matt: So, kid-  
  
Kylrane: I've been called a kid like twenty times during this whole thing with wrestlers, and every time I have to remind you guys!!! I'M NOT A KID!!!  
  
Matt: Yeah, whatever. What are you watching? The Hardy Boyz' Leap of Faith DVD?  
  
Kylrane: No...I can't say what I'm watching, it gives away the answer to the question I put above.  
  
Shannon: Huh?  
  
Kylrane: Forget it...I'm watching a concert thing.  
  
Shannon: Who's performing??  
  
Kylrane: [getting frustrated] I can't say, I'll be giving away the answer!!!  
  
Matt: Oh, isn't this the band that won the-  
  
Kylrane: IT'S NOT A BAND, IT'S JUST A GUY- EEP! Look, you almost made me say it!!!!  
  
Shannon: Oh, hey, I think I know.....  
  
Kylrane: [angry] I will so kill you if you say it.  
  
Shannon: Eh...ok.  
  
Kylrane: Oh YEAH! I forgot, yesterday was the Rumble!! I have to call Kane!!  
  
Matt: But Kane lost.  
  
Kylrane: I know, but I want to rub it in that I was right about him losing. He left me here stuck with you two...which isn't a bad thing!! [shrinks away] Don't hurt me...[gets her cell phone and starts looking for Kane's number]  
  
Shannon: How'd you get all those numbers? I can't even get Matt's, no matter how hard I try, I always fail. Like in matches....  
  
Matt: It's Ok! You try your hardest, and that's what Mattitude is! That's what makes you a great MFer!!  
  
Shannon: [teary] Really? [They hug.]  
  
Kylrane: [disgusted] Oh God, are you going to give him the twist of fate already?! Or are you going to need to get a room?! [finally finds Kane's number, but is answered by voicemail] Damnit, answer your phone Kane!! Anyway, hahaha, you lost the Rumble...PLEASE COME BACK!!! SHANNON MOORE AND MATT HARDY ARE HERE, AND THEY'RE HUGGING!! SAVE ME!!!  
  
Matt: I think you need a Mattitude adjustment. Don't you, Shannon?  
  
Shannon: I don't know. I can't think for myself.  
  
Kylrane: Get the hell away from me. If you try to kick my ass, I swear, I will get you fired. Or I will make sure you have the crappiest life insurance plan known to man.  
  
Matt: Yeah, sure.  
  
Kylrane: [Panicking, she checks her phone memory. It scrolls down to the Undertaker. She dials his number.] Come on, please...YES!! Hi, Mr. Undertaker??  
  
Taker: Who the hell is this??  
  
Kylrane: I've got Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore ready to kill me! Can you come and help me out?!?!  
  
Taker: Those two boys? Yeah, sure, let's beat some respect into them. [Hangs up. Seconds later, he bursts through the door. Kylrane is hiding under the blanket, and doesn't see the beating Taker gives to Matt and Shannon.] Uh, hey, you can come out now.  
  
Kylrane: [peeking from the blanket] Ah, good. They're out cold. [Looks up at Undertaker.] Wow. Your head touches the ceiling.  
  
Taker: How did you get my cell phone number?  
  
Kylrane: Uh...Booker T? No, really, I took the numbers from his cell phone....  
  
Taker: That dumb son of a bitch...[realizes how young Kylrane is] Oh, sorry. That idiot!  
  
Kylrane: It's not like I haven't heard those words before. I've seen R- rated movies.  
  
Taker: Yeah...ok...well, I'll take these two. I'll call someone to watch you.  
  
Kylrane: How do you know about that?  
  
Taker: There's been locker room talk about you. Stephanie McMahon's been doing some threatening about a little terror. I guess that's you.  
  
Kylrane: I'M NOT LITTLE!! WHEN WILL YOU SICK PEOPLE EVER GET THAT?! [Taker shrugs, picks up Matt and Shannon, and walks out the door. Somehow, his theme music can be heard.] Ok...well, back to the song. [Presses a button on the remote control and the DVD is playing again. Kylrane's awful singing starts up as if it were paused too.] You've been asking me to bleed. It seems these kinds of questions come too easy to you now. Your lack of shame comes naturally. I should not be surprised. I should have seen it sooner!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok. I hope that was long enough for you guys. I got a few Matt and Shannon suggestions, so decided to put them in. The bad thing is that I don't know their schtick very well, so I just did the whole "Matt controls Shannon" thing. Oh well. Remember, try and answer the question. And you can't choose Al Snow, I'm doing that one later...=) Thanks Whose to Say I Don't Know! 


	6. Cookies 3:16

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for myself and a bag of sour skittles. Wah. I don't own the WWE, and I don't own Austin and Debra. Yes, I know, it's not the 25th yet (it's the 23rd) but I wanted to update. Oh well. Yes, I know they aren't with the WWE anymore, but Whose to Say I Don't Know won the contest. And that was her request. Plus, I just really like the idea of those two...  
  
Well, Whose to Say I Don't Know (can I call you Sara?) answered the question correctly...and even though I said the first two people who answered correctly could choose babysitters, I realized that if the answer was already there it would be unfair. So, I'll ask another question...as soon as I think of one. AH, I'm slow...  
  
  
  
[There's a black pick up truck pulling up to Kylrane's house. It's got a skull painted on it, and the side says 3:16. Kylrane looks out the window.]  
  
Kylrane: Oh shit. Don't tell me Taker called up....  
  
[Whose to Say I Don't Know hops out of the driver's side of the car. She pulls out Steve Austin from the back of the truck, and Debra comes out from the passenger side. Kylrane is shaking in fear.]  
  
Debra: Now, Steve, this would be good for you! You could teach this Kylrane girl about the business. Plus, I brought my world famous cookies!!  
  
Austin: No, damnit, I am not going in there! No son of a bitch could ever get me in - AHH! [Whose to Say I Don't Know pulls him towards the door. He's tied and bound, with a leash for guiding him towards wherever he needs to go.]  
  
Whose to Say I Don't Know: [rings the doorbell] Wow, I can't believe this...  
  
Kylrane: Oh man. I'm really going to die now. She brought cookies. [Opens the door. She stares at Whose to Say I Don't Know.] Who the heck are you?  
  
Whose to Say I Don't Know: [tugs on Austin's leash] I'm Sara. The Undertaker called me...he was asking what song you were singing when he carried Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore out of your living room, so I told him.  
  
Kylrane: Uh...ok, if the Undertaker chose you....  
  
Sara: Well, anyway, here's Stone Cold Steve Austin and Debra. Undertaker said I could bring over whoever I wanted, so I chose them.  
  
Debra: Hi Honey!! [holds platter directly in front of Kylrane's face] Want some COOKIES???  
  
Kylrane: [edging away in fear] Eh...I just brushed my teeth, so...[to Sara] help meee....  
  
Sara: [mouths 'I CAN'T'] Um...I've gotta go. Playing sports and stuff.  
  
Austin: WHAT?  
  
Sara: Oh please, no....  
  
Austin: WHAT?  
  
Sara: I'm not even-  
  
Austin: WHAT?  
  
Sara: ARGHH-  
  
Austin: WHAT?  
  
Sara: [looks at Kylrane] Good luck...and Vince McMahon is the TRUE KING OF THE WORLD!!!  
  
Kylrane: Ok...um, I think I'm going to need to call the-  
  
Austin: [looks at Kylrane] WHAT???  
  
Kylrane: [cranky] I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!!!  
  
Debra: Then who are you talking to, Hon?  
  
Kylrane: [scratches head and blinks. She cocks her head to the side.] I really don't know.  
  
Austin: Yeah, well, WHATever. [jumps onto the couch, takes a huge cooler out of nowhere, and starts chugging down some Steveweisers.] Hey, kid, you got-  
  
Kylrane: MY NAME IS KYLRANE!!!! I AM NOT A KID!!!  
  
Debra: Ok, Hon- I mean, Kylrane. Would you like some cookies now??  
  
Kylrane: No.  
  
Debra: Do you like chocolate? How about I make some chocolate chip cookies??  
  
Kylrane: No.  
  
Austin: Hey, you got a karaoke machine anywhere?  
  
Kylrane: Um...yes, actually. Why?  
  
Austin: I gotta sing. I said WHAT? I gotta sing!  
  
Kylrane: [bug-eyed] WHAT?? NO!!!  
  
Austin: WHAT???  
  
Kylrane: NO!  
  
Austin: WHAT???  
  
Kylrane: AUGH!!  
  
Debra: Steve, honey, stop it.  
  
Austin: WHAT???  
  
Kylrane: It's there! It's there! Just shut up!!!  
  
Austin: [opens up another beer can and chugs it down] Ok. WHAT? I said ok.  
  
Debra: [to Kylrane] Hey, honey, you wanna make cookies with me??  
  
Kylrane: [sighs] Well...ok...[thinks to herself] If I control what the hell is being cooked, I guess it'll be edible. I've made good cookies before...  
  
Debra: ALRIGHT!! We'll make it from my famous recipe for sugar cookies!  
  
Kylrane: Um...can we make...gingerbread?  
  
Debra: Don't have a recipe for that.  
  
Kylrane: GREAT! Uh, I mean, that means we can learn TOGETHER...[sighs in relief. In the background Austin's singing 'I Will Survive']  
  
[For three days Kylrane has to deal with Debra's cookie baking and Austin's beer guzzling. She's been able to escape Austin's awful singing by unplugging a wire behind the TV.]  
  
Austin: Why doesn't your damn TV work?? Damn SOB's at that crappy cable company...I ought to go over there and open up a can of whoop-ass all over there, and-  
  
Debra: Steve, you want a cookie??? Kylrane and I made 'em!! [She's covered in flour. Kylrane, however, is spotless.]  
  
Kylrane: I was careful...ok, I used that store bought dough! Damn!  
  
Austin: [eyes cookies] Uhh...maybe later, Debra.  
  
Debra: Why?  
  
Austin: ...I like them a day old.  
  
Debra: Oh. Ok!  
  
Kylrane: [bangs head on the wall] WHY?  
  
Austin: WHAT??  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok. Sorry if that sucked, I had to write it over a couple of nights. I usually do a chapter in one sitting so it makes sense, but...oh well. =P Thanks so much for all of these suggestions and compliments!! Keep reviewing!!! [Almost gets hit with a cookie] AUGHH!! Debra and Austin are still here...and my friends are reliving seventh grade by having a cookie war...AUGHH! [ducks under a table and hides] Review! Review!! 


	7. Why Three? Why ME?

Disclaimer: I don't own the WWE, I'm not affiliated with them, and all I own is this name. I am not affiliated with Harvard University either, though I wish I was. Then it would be easy for me to get in when the time comes...  
  
Yes, I know, Austin beat Debra and stuff...but it wasn't the CHARACTER of Stone Cold Steve Austin abusing the character of Debra. It was the real people, and therefore, I think its ok to use the persona of Austin...I dunno. I'm not here to criticize the actions of the real people playing these characters. I don't live in the real world. :)  
  
  
  
  
  
[Debra and Austin are kicked out of Kylrane's house. You can see Debra carrying a platter of cookies, and Austin is just running, trying not to get hit. Unidentified objects are seen flying out of the upstairs window.]  
  
Kylrane: [throwing cookies at Austin] GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU DAMN DRUNK!! YOU CAN'T SING!!!!  
  
[Kylrane's friends Rei-chan and Panda are tossing cookies out of the window too. Rei-chan and Panda aren't real author names, but they are writer friends of mine that make up names I can never remember...]  
  
Panda: Remember when we used to do this to a certain lame ass math teacher that needs to remain nameless or else we'll be in deep shit??  
  
Rei-chan: Well, no duh we remember. The cookie wars were in our yearbook as one of the memorable moments. We're traumatized for life because of him. That's why some kids didn't get into the high schools they applied for. Well, I took that supplementary class so I didn't go dumb, so I got in but...  
  
Kylrane: Do you realize there are no adults in the house?  
  
Panda and Rei-chan: ALRIGHT!!! PARTY!!!  
  
Kylrane: That's not exactly what I was leading to...  
  
[Back to the office where Kylrane's dad is under a mountain of papers. Vince is sitting there in his desk, ranting and raving.]  
  
Vince: DAMN THAT ASSHOLE HOGAN!! HE HAD NO RIGHT TO LAY HIS HANDS ON THE CHAIRMAN OF THE WWE!! I'M HIS BOSS, DAMNIT, I WANT SOME FUCKING RESPECT!!!  
  
Kylrane's dad: Uh-huh [moving under the papers]  
  
Vince: Why is it that no one is doing their jobs correctly?? Stephanie has to bring back that old bag Hogan, and Bischoff does the dumbest thing I can think of! Doesn't he know Austin will NEVER EVER accept that offer?? I told him he's not welcome back, that's the bottomline!! You don't defy the boss!!!  
  
Kylrane's dad: Uh-huh...[A cell phone rings. Both men check theirs. It's Kylrane's dad who's receiving the call.] Hello?  
  
Caller: [in a scared voice] Daddy??  
  
Kylrane's dad: Oh, hi! What's up? Who's watching you?  
  
Kylrane: [still scared] Uh...no one. Panda and Rei are here, and they're SINGING KARAOKE!!! NO!!!  
  
Voice in background: [barely audible] Hey, Kylrane, can we make an ice skating rink in your backyard? If we turn on your hoses, the water that comes out will freeze!!!  
  
Kylrane: NO PANDA!!! [realizing she's still on the phone] Daddy, can you send an adult over puh-leaze??? I can't believe I want adult supervision, but I'm stuck here with two nutcases!!  
  
Kylrane's dad: Of course, I'll make sure Mr. McMahon adheres to our deal. Bye.  
  
Kylrane: HURRY!!! THEY FOUND THE SHAVING CREAM!!! [click]  
  
Kylrane's dad: [turns to Vince, fuming] You left my daughter ALONE AND DEFENSELESS???  
  
Vince: I'm too damn busy whining in capitial letters about Hogan!!! [gets a glare] Ok, Ok!! I'll send someone...ah-hah! I'll send Christopher Nowinski, the WWE's only Harvard graduate! He'll teach your kid so much stuff.  
  
Kylrane's dad: I want two more people to go with that boring asshole. Don't you remember his obsession with getting into Molly Holly's pants? I don't want him alone with my kid.  
  
Vince: [opens his laptop] Ok, then, I'll just choose two other people randomly. I'll just enter the birthday, age, gender, and favorite color of the person, and it can give me the female and male that would be most compatible with them...[gets a weird look from Kylrane's dad] YES, IT IS THE LOVE MATCH MACHINE, BUT WITH WWE WRESTLERS PROGRAMMED INTO THE DATABASE!! Just give me the information...  
  
Kylrane's dad: Well, ok...4/27, age 14, obviously a girl, and uh...um...I'm not sure about her favorite color.  
  
Vince: Just a guess!!  
  
Kylrane's dad: Um...uh...green?  
  
Vince: Ok...[presses the 'find your matches!' button] Well...I hope your daughter has a lot of patience. The matches are Jeff Hardy and Dawn Marie.  
  
Kylrane's dad: Just great. The crazy guy who jumps off stuff and a slut. Perfect role models.  
  
Vince: I'll send them straight away....  
  
[At Kylrane's house, our victim is hiding behind the couch. Rei and Panda have resorted to throwing cookies again for kicks. There are crumbs all over the place.]  
  
Kylrane: [feels her cell phone vibrating] Hello? Dad...uh...it's red, why? No, don't say nothing, tell me why?? You thought it was green?? But, what does it...[doorbell rings] The wrestlers are here, I guess. Bye. [gets up, and a cookie hits her forehead.] DAMNIT, QUIT IT!!!!  
  
Panda and Rei-chan: [they stare, look around, and suddenly become conscious of what they've done] Sorry. Got hyper...[They grab their stuff and run out the door.]  
  
Kylrane: [stares at the people on her front steps] Why three? Scratch that...why me??  
  
Christopher Nowinski: [steps inside, and looks around. He's got a really smug look on his face. He seems to be appalled by the house.] What a pig stye!!  
  
Kylrane: Hey, you ass, it's my friends' fault that there are cookies all over the place! And who the hell do you think you are, coming into my house and criticizing it??  
  
Jeff Hardy: Duh, he's Harvard Boy Christopher Nowinski.  
  
Kylrane: Oh yeah. Argh, why me?? [flops onto the couch, head in her arms]  
  
Dawn Marie: Hey, girlie, you wouldn't have any grandfathers I could seduce, would you??  
  
Kylrane: .........[still face down]...No.  
  
[The three guests come into the house. Dawn Marie sits down, and opens up her blouse. Nowinski is still making that face, and Jeff's poking Kylrane's head.]  
  
Jeff: Are you dead??  
  
Kylrane: [looks up] Are you stupid?? No, don't you answer that question. [Spots Dawn Marie] AW, SHIT, DON'T DO THAT!!! Be decent!!  
  
Dawn Marie: Dear child, it's only the human body. I'm proud of my body!  
  
Kylrane: I don't care, you're in my house! Cover up! [Dawn Marie reluctantly buttons up. Jeff was gawking, and is now disappointed.]  
  
Nowinski: Where's the remote, you little brat, I wanna watch some CNN. You know, my educated brain must be stimulated.  
  
Kylrane: I'M NOT LITTLE!!!!  
  
Jeff: Are you frustrated? I'm frustrated! I'm so frustrated I might...do...something... [He has a crazed look in his eye. Kylrane hops behind the couch in fear.] Oh, no, nevermind. [Goes back to normal.]  
  
Dawn Marie: I have an idea, how about I give you a makeover? We can go shopping and pick up some cute little outfits! Your shirts aren't sexy enough, girl!  
  
Kylrane: [looks at her clothes] Oh hell no. Do you think I'd wear the shit you wear?? I don't even wear skirts and dresses except my uniform! The only dress I've got is for Christmas and Easter and other special occasions. I'm not like your normal 'I'm a popular teenybopper and I can't wait to go to the prom!' kind of girl!  
  
Jeff: It's ok to be different. I'm different, and look where that's got me!  
  
Nowinski: Yeah, Hardy. It's gotten you no title shots, no wins, and no girlfriend. Plus, that face paint makes you look like a cave man ready for war.  
  
Jeff: OH YEAH?? If you're such a smart ass from Harvard, how come you couldn't win the contracts from Tough Enough?  
  
Nowinski: Simple. It was favoritism among the trainers.  
  
Kylrane: Shutup the both of you. If you graduated from such a prestigious school, why are you in the wrestling business?? Surely if your resume says that you're a Harvard graduate, you'd be fought over by employers around the country. And Jeff, why do you get so emotional in matches?? You never ever win stuff because you get too wrapped up in the match, in impressing the fans, and in trying to out do yourself.  
  
[Both Jeff and Christopher are quiet. Dawn Marie gets up.]  
  
Dawn Marie: Are we going to the mall??  
  
Kylrane: NO! ARGH! [to Jeff and Nowinski] See, if you just used what's up here, [taps her head] maybe you wouldn't be randomly placed in matches that just fill up time.  
  
Nowinski: You're just a kid. What would you know about wrestling?  
  
Kylrane: Maybe I don't know much about wrestling, but I am a stranger to failure. Unlike you two.  
  
Jeff: Ouch.  
  
Dawn Marie: I DEMAND THAT WE GO TO THE MALL!!!  
  
Nowinski: Hey kid, why don't you arm wrestle Dawn Marie to see if you go to the mall? Then we'll know if you're a stranger to failure.  
  
Kylrane: [looks at Dawn Marie's scrawny arm] BWAHAHAHA! You think she'd kick my ass? No way! I kill all the girls at arm wrestling, and I almost beat a guy friend of mine once.  
  
Jeff: Just do it. I want to see this.  
  
Dawn Marie: [afraid of hurting her arm] Why don't Chris and Jeff arm wrestle to decide what to do? I'll get Chris, you get Jeff!  
  
Jeff: Why do I get her?  
  
Kylrane: [stares at Jeff intimidatingly] Are you trying to hint at something? Because I wouldn't be surprised at all if you lost this. I will so hurt you if you lose.  
  
Jeff: [gulps] Yes ma'am. [Christoper and Jeff put their elbows on the dining table. They lock hands. Christopher sticks his tongue out at Jeff, and Jeff kicks him under the table.]  
  
Dawn Marie: Ok. Start on three. 1...2...3...  
  
Jeff: AUGH!! [Christoper started on two. Jeff's hand hits the table.]  
  
Dawn Marie: YES! [Hugs Christoper, who suddenly has a goofy grin on his face. Kylrane is crying.]  
  
Kylrane: NOOO!!! I HAVE TO GO TO THE MALL WITH DAWN MARIE!!!!!  
  
Jeff: [pounding his fist into the wall] Damnit! I lost again!!! I'm Xtreme, I'm not supposed to lose!!!!  
  
[Kylrane is carried out of the house by Nowinski, kicking and screaming. Dawn Marie is smiling and hiking her skirt up. Jeff's head is hung, flinching at Kylrane's shrieks.]  
  
Kylrane: SAVE ME!! SAVE ME!! I DON'T WANNA GO!!! WAHHHH!!!  
  
  
  
Ok...sorry if that was a little weird. It's not that I totally hate the mall, but just imagine getting a makeover with Dawn Marie supervising. Little old me doesn't like to show off her skin, mind you. Dawn Marie shows off everything. Sorry if Jeff's a little weird, he practically has no character on Raw. He's just the Xtreme guy. Nowinski, however, was easy for me to play with. Tee hee. And if you want to know, I really would like to go to Harvard. 


	8. The Skittles Fiend

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. I own nothing but myself. I don't own the WWE, the Lord of the Rings, or Tony Hawk and his games. I only own a copy of THPS4, but that's only one...  
  
Eeee! I'm grinning right now. Reviews make me happy! :)  
  
Oh, my friend Rei-chan's account is Reichan410. I think she changed it. Anywho, go check if she's posted anything or not!! Why? She'll kill me if I didn't plug her work.  
  
On with the story!  
  
[Christopher Nowinski is driving a BMW SUV. Dawn Marie's in the passenger seat next to him, fixing her lipstick. Kylrane's sulking in the back, and Jeff's bugging Nowinski.]  
  
Jeff: Are we there yet?  
  
Nowinski: No.  
  
Jeff: Are we there yet?  
  
Nowinski: No.  
  
Jeff: Are we there yet?  
  
Nowinski: No, dipshit!!! Shut up!  
  
Jeff: I didn't think such an educated guy could say such words.  
  
Nowinski: Shutup before I pull over and kick you out of the car.  
  
Kylrane: NOO!! Then I'll have no one to protect me from Dawn Marie...assuming that Harvard Boy is all for pleasing her. And assuming rainbow brite doesn't like Harvard Boy.  
  
Jeff: What makes you think I'll protect you?? [Makes a face at her. Kylrane reaches into her jacket pocket.]  
  
Kylrane: [searches for a moment, and then a smile spreads on her face.] A- ha! As I thought! [Pulls out a bag of sour skittles] Bless the snack bar!  
  
Jeff: [a crazed look comes over him] Oooh!!! Gimme!!! [snatches the bag from Kylrane and pours the candy into his mouth. Dawn Marie turns around.]  
  
Dawn Marie: Ew. It's like he's getting high.  
  
Kylrane: [all sad] I wanted some!! I was going to share!!! Isn't it enough that I have to go shopping with the psycho whore?? I WANT MY SKITTLES!!! [Curls up in a ball. Is having withdrawal symptoms.]  
  
Dawn Marie: Oh my. Now how's she going to cooperate?  
  
Nowinski: Ooh! Ooh! I'll make her listen to you, Dawn Marie!!  
  
Dawn Marie: [runs hand through Nowinski's hair] That's a good boy, Chris!  
  
Jeff: [utterly revolted] I think I'm going to puke up my skittles.  
  
Kylrane: [rocking back and forth] Don't...say...that. That's...what...I...live...for...  
  
Rei-chan: [suddenly pops out of nowhere] But I thought chocolate was your vice...  
  
Kylrane: [stares at Rei] What the hell?? Go away! After that Christmas party where I downed everything chocolate, the smell of it makes me sick!! I want SKITTLES!!!!  
  
Rei: Make the guy with the face paint buy you more. You can do it. You threaten good.  
  
Kylrane: Go away! This is my fanfic!!! Go write about Lord of the Rings or something!  
  
Rei: OK! [disappears]  
  
Dawn Marie: Now Kylrane, do you have a charge card?  
  
Kylrane: [back into a ball] Skittles....  
  
Dawn Marie: How about an allowance?  
  
Kylrane: Skittles....  
  
Dawn Marie: Bank account?  
  
Kylrane: Skittles....  
  
Nowinski: [a little freaked out] Hey Hardy, what the hell's wrong with her?!  
  
Jeff: [Waves his hand in front of Kylrane's face before a look of realization spreads across his face] I know what's wrong. She's becoming a skittles zombie until she gets her hands on a bag of 'em. That happens. [Pats Kylrane on the head] It'll be ok, we'll get more.  
  
Kylrane: Skittles...  
  
[They turn into a parking lot. In front is the biggest mall Kylrane's ever seen. Then again, she hasn't seen a lot of malls. Dawn Marie hops energetically out of the call and shakes her hair. A bunch of guys hoot and whistle at her. She winks and blows kisses. Nowinski and Jeff get out of the car, but realize Kylrane hasn't moved. Nowinski pulls her out of the seat and hoists her on his back.]  
  
Kylrane: [drools] Must...eat...skittles....  
  
Nowinski: [disgusted] Augh, crap, she's drooling on my shirt. Hardy, run and get that damn candy!!!  
  
Jeff: [sticks his tongue out at Nowinski] Why should I??  
  
Dawn Marie: [makes puppy dog eyes at Jeff] Would you, please? The sooner she's out of that...state, the sooner we can go shop!!!  
  
Jeff: [mesmerized] OK!! [Jeff speeds off in the direction of the nearest news shop. He comes back with three bags of skittles in six seconds flat.] Here we go!!!  
  
Dawn Marie: [pets his hair] SUCH A GOOD BOY!!!  
  
Kylrane: [She snatches the skittles out of Jeff's hand, rips the bag open, and takes the whole pack in one mouthful. She takes about a minute to get back to normal.] MMH. Shkittlesh. Shanks, Sheff. [Still chewing]  
  
Nowinski: Now, why don't you and Dawn Marie head over to Macy's or something?  
  
Kylrane: [hides behind Jeff] Mwo!! MWO!!! Shaffe mwe, Sheff!! [Translation: "No! NO!!! Save me, Jeff!" She's still chewing the skittles.]  
  
Jeff: Don't make her do stuff...let her X-press herself! Don't change who she is. They tried to do that to me. Now I'm FRUSTRATED!!!  
  
Dawn Marie: [purring voice] If you want, you can work out all your frustrations later with ME in a cheap sleazy motel...[Jeff starts to drool. Kylrane hits him.]  
  
Kylrane: JOO JUMBASHES ARE SHUPPOSHED JOO PWOTEK MWE, MOT FWWEED MWE JOO DA WOLVESH!!! [Translation: You dumbasses are supposed to protect me, not feed me to the wolves! She takes a big gulp.] AH! Now I can talk. Why are you letting her try to brainwash me, Jeff! She's trying to make me into a slut!! I can't ask for the Harvard boy to help me, he's incompetent!! You're my ONLY HOPE!!! [does dramatic pleading thing]  
  
Nowinski: [near tears] Oh, poor kid! I feel so guilty! I feel so ashamed for not trying to defend her!! Oh, what a fool I am!!  
  
Jeff: [pats Kylrane on the head] Acting classes, or drama department?  
  
Kylrane: [grins] My own talent, actually. Never got any training. [Sees a Cinnabon] Ooh, can you spot me like 10 bucks? I smell some cinnamon buns that have my name on 'em...  
  
Dawn Marie: Sticky buns are fattening.  
  
Kylrane: Screw you, bitch. I can snap you in two. [Jeff hands her a ten. Kylrane runs onto the line to buy the food.]  
  
Nowinski: Well, now what are we going to do??  
  
Dawn Marie: I'm not leaving until we buy that girl an outfit.  
  
[Jeff and Nowinski glance at each other. They run to Macy's and quickly put together an outfit.]  
  
Jeff: How's this?? [Holds up the ugliest pair of pants known to man. Nowinski does worse, carrying a boy's basketball jersey, size XXXL.]  
  
Dawn Marie: [makes a face] Think, boys. What would look cute on...say, your little sister.  
  
Jeff: No sister.  
  
Dawn Marie: [angry] PRETEND THAT BRAT'S YOUR SISTER!!!  
  
Nowinski and Jeff: [in fear] Ok!! [They run off again to search for clothes. They each come back. Jeff's got black cargo pants and a black shirt that says 'punk'. Nowinski displays a pleated skirt, a shirt that says "Cheerleading Angel", and a varsity sweater. They both glare at each other.]  
  
Jeff: You're trying to make her a prep!!  
  
Nowinski: You'll turn the child into a bottom feeding mosh pit member of America!!  
  
Dawn Marie: Ooh, I like Chris' so much better. It's cute, it features a short skirt, and has a tight shirt! Perfect!  
  
Jeff: [pouts] We'll let Kylrane decide.  
  
Nowinski: You remember her name??  
  
Jeff: [shrugs] It's hard to find someone who shares your passion for skittles. Searching for friendship and understanding is FRUSTRATING!!!!  
  
Kylrane: [comes over to them, carrying a little carton thing of cinnamon buns.] Hey guys! Dawn Marie. [holds out the food] You want some, it's good.  
  
Dawn Marie: No thanks, I'm trying to lose half a pound.  
  
Nowinski: [stares] What does half a pound matter??  
  
Dawn Marie: [bats her eyelashes] My eyelids are a tad heavy.  
  
Kylrane: [under her breath] Maybe it's the makeup that's heavy...  
  
Dawn Marie: [Transforms into a scary dragon lady, like Galadriel in Lord of the Rings (Fellowship of the Ring). Kylrane is thouroughly scared.] WHAT DID YOU SAY???  
  
Nowinski: Dawn Marie! Dawn Marie! Calm down! The outfit, remember?? [Dawn Marie transforms back into her tramp self.]  
  
Dawn Marie: Right. Now, which one do you prefer? And your opinion doesn't really matter, because I'm getting you the skirt anyway.  
  
Jeff: Hey! Let her choose!  
  
Kylrane: Yeah! Let me say no to both!! [The guys glare at her.] Uh...ok...well, Nowinski's outfit makes me look like a cheerleader. [Makes barfing noise. I just cannot wear a cheerleader's uniform.] Jeff's outfit makes me look like an Avril Lavigne wannabe.  
  
Jeff: It does not! There's no tie! [They all stare at him.] What, I watch MTV sometimes! Besides, you look nothing like Avril Lavigne. I mean, you dyed your hair black.  
  
Kylrane: [amazed at Jeff's stupidity] ...My hair is naturally black. I didn't dye it.  
  
Jeff: REALLY? I thought you were a goth girl!  
  
Kylrane: I've seen goths!! They don't all have black hair!! AUGHH!! Why do you think I'm a goth girl?!  
  
Nowinski: Well, you act all gloomy all the time.  
  
Dawn Marie: You say you don't like shopping and the prom.  
  
Jeff: Like me, you seem FRUSTRATED!!  
  
Kylrane: What the hell is with the 'frustrated' in caps??  
  
Jeff: I dunno.  
  
Kylrane: Yeah, well...I guess I choose...eh...the black. I hate skirts.  
  
Jeff: YEAHH!!! I WON!!!  
  
Kylrane: Won what?  
  
Jeff: Well, I beat Nowinski. That means I won something.  
  
Kylrane: OK.....  
  
[They buy the clothes and go home. The evening is spent with Dawn Marie getting made over by Kylrane, while Nowinski is challenged by Jeff at Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4.]  
  
Jeff: I will so kick your ass.  
  
Nowinski: Video games don't take real brains.  
  
Kylrane: Shutup. I like video games.  
  
Dawn Marie: [has her face painted like Goldust] Can I look in the mirror yet??  
  
Kylrane: No, I'm not finished!! [cackles evilly, and continues to use her Halloween face paints on Dawn Marie]  
  
[At the end of four days, Dawn Marie and Nowinski are begging to leave. Jeff is still playing video games. Now he's playing The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.]  
  
Dawn Marie: C'mon, Jeffy, let's go! I can't stand it here!!  
  
Jeff: I wanna keep PLAYING!!  
  
Kylrane: You can stay if you want. You've got credit cards. I like credit cards.  
  
Nowinski: Dawn Marie, let's just leave the loser!!  
  
Dawn Marie: OK! [flicks her hair and bounces off]  
  
Kylrane: You do realize they just left you here.  
  
Jeff: That's ok. You're a fan of the Xtreme, right?  
  
Kylrane: Well...not exactly...  
  
Jeff: [gives the psycho crazed face] AUGHH! NO FANS! I'M SO-  
  
Kylrane: OK! OK! I'm a fan!  
  
Jeff: Good.  
  
Kylrane: [looks up] Help me God...  
  
  
  
Eh...sorry if that was a little bland. I was running out of Nowinski jokes. Jeff's staying, YAY! There's a reason why he's staying, too. No, not because I'm one of those fangirls who's completely in love with the younger Hardy. It's because...well, you'll have to wait!!! Woo hoo! 


	9. Xtreme Volleyball

Disclaimer: Vince McMahon owns the WWE, not me!! I don't own Austin Powers, or the company who did that ringtone (I think it was Motorola).  
  
I really don't know volleyball too well. The version I play at school is the version in the story. Sorry if it doesn't make sense. Yes, I did get into a headlock. [Roo: I'm SORRY!!!]  
  
I should be getting around to that question, but I've got so many people lined up in my head to endure the torture...er, well...I can't think of a better word....of watching Kylrane (it's strange referring to yourself in the third person after speaking in the first). Ah, oh well.  
  
[Kylrane is sitting in the passenger seat of Jeff Hardy's ...erm, I don't exactly know what car he's got. Lets say its a Mercedes Benz. Anyway, she's sitting there and a phone rings. Jeff reaches for his, but Kylrane doesn't move.]  
  
Jeff: [Puts on the earphone. Hey, it's illegal to hold your cell phone while driving in New York. You have to have a hands free thing.] Hello? Oh! Good morning, Mr. McMahon! [Glances at Kylrane and gulps] Yes, I...yes, I know they left...erm...well, I'm driving her to school. Eh...what?? Are you...yes, yes, ok!! [hands the earphone to Kylrane]  
  
Kylrane: [Takes the earphone from Jeff] Hello??  
  
Vince: [irate] YOU'VE KIDNAPPED ONE OF MY WRESTLERS!!!  
  
Kylrane: [Holds earphone away, to try and save her hearing] Why would I kidnap a wrestler?! He stayed of his own free will!!  
  
Vince: [still angry] SEND HIM BACK IMMEDIATELY NOW, DAMNIT!!  
  
Kylrane: [coolly] What, so my father can get pissed and you'll just end up sending another random moron? Remember my position, Vinny. You owe my daddy big time. Take away my daddy, the WWE loses money. You don't like to lose money, do you?  
  
Vince: [really really pissed] YOU-YOU-YOU!! ARGHH!! FINE! LET HIM STAY, BUT I'M SENDING KURT ANGLE TO MAKE SURE HE DOES HIS JOB CORRECTLY!!!  
  
Kylrane: [in a smart-assed tone] I knew you couldn't argue with me. I take very much after my dad. Can't you tell?  
  
Vince: [still incredibly irritated] JUST...AHHH!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!! [he hangs up]  
  
Jeff: [Stares in amazement at Kylrane, who has a smug grin on her face.] Wow. You left Vince McMahon speechless.  
  
Kylrane: [chuckles] I know. I kick ass at debates. [Yet again, a cell phone rings. However, the ring tone is the theme from Austin Powers. Kylrane reaches into her pocket and answers.] Hello??  
  
Caller: Damn you. You're a good kid, but damn you.  
  
Kylrane: I'M NOT A KID!! Who the hell is this??  
  
Caller: You don't recognize my voice? Hold on...ahem. FINE!!!  
  
Kylrane: KANE! HI! I forgot I had called you...does it take you this long to answer your voicemail?? [Jeff stares in bewilderment as Kylrane is having a casual conversation with the Big Red Machine.]  
  
Kane: No, I was just really mad that you were right about what you said. I didn't win. Neither did Hardy, but that doesn't matter. I didn't win. DAMN YOU BROCK LESNAR!!! Eh, sorry.  
  
Kylrane: That's ok if you didn't win. There's always next time.  
  
Kane: Yeah, I guess. I just called to answer you back. By the way, how do you know Taker's number??  
  
Kylrane: Hehehe...a certain someone's cell phone was left around while he slept. So I took the numbers from the memory. Simple.  
  
Kane: I'll be damned. Anyway, bye. [hangs up]  
  
Jeff: Now I'm really amazed. You just spoke with Kane as if...  
  
Kylrane: As if he was a friend? It's a talent.  
  
Jeff: So...  
  
Kylrane: ...  
  
Jeff: How's school? Any bullies or something?  
  
Kylrane: No. People know if they try and stuff me in a locker I'll bash their head in. Now, I can get you to bash their heads in.  
  
Jeff: [sigh] Good. Then I can.  
  
Kylrane: You can what?  
  
Jeff: I want to see what high school's like again. So I arranged to follow you around every class.  
  
Kylrane: WHAT?!  
  
Jeff: Yeah. I'll even take notes and stuff.  
  
Kylrane: But-but...I take advanced classes! I'm in the honors program!!  
  
Jeff: You're fourteen. It should be easy.  
  
Kylrane: Algebra and trigonometry??  
  
Jeff: [gulp] WHA?  
  
Kylrane: Ok, only algebra right now. But...um...I take advanced Literature classes!  
  
Jeff: I write poetry. English is fun!  
  
Kylrane: [searching for ideas] I...um...take art classes!  
  
Jeff: Art? Great!! I can teach you how to make sculptures, and paint! I do all my own body paint!  
  
Kylrane: Oh no...[thinks] I'm in the Asian Club!  
  
Jeff: So? I'm not racist.  
  
Kylrane: Guitar club.  
  
Jeff: I front a band.  
  
Kylrane: Shit. Uh...VOLLEYBALL!!!  
  
Jeff: Aw damn. Volleyball?  
  
Kylrane: [Sighs in relief] Yeah...um, I got on the team to play against the faculty...[Ok. I'm not really in high school, but I will be next year, and we are actually holding a student vs. faculty volleyball game.]  
  
Jeff: Well, I guess there's a first time for everything.  
  
Kylrane: [slumps] WHY?!?!  
  
[Fast forward to phys. ed. Jeff actually did pretty good in the English class, but bombed in Algebra. Kylrane had to explain everything to him, and is completely irritated.]  
  
Panda: Hey, Kylrane, why the hell does the guy with the red hair follow you around?  
  
Kylrane:...I'm magnetic? Argh, he's acutally one of those crackhead babysitters I told you about.  
  
Rei: Oh. Ok. Because you call him Jeff, I thought that was your almost brother in law.  
  
Kylrane: I don't have a sister in this, remember? Therefore, I don't have a brother in law.  
  
Panda: This fanfic shit is confusing.  
  
Rei: Yeah.  
  
[Whose To Say I Don't Know aka Sara comes out of nowhere. Following her is Olympic medalist Kurt Angle.]  
  
Sara: Hey you guys!! Since this is phys ed, I decided to pop in!! Mr. Angle will be your gym teacher today, and- Jeff Hardy?!  
  
Kurt: NO!! It's the rainbow haired freak!!  
  
Jeff: Get it straight, you dork, it's red!!  
  
Sara: Well, anyway, have fun! [vanishes]  
  
Panda: This fanfic shit is DEFINITELY confusing.  
  
Rei: Yeah.  
  
Kurt: Listen up, boys and girls! [I know phys ed isn't usually coed, but for this it is...] Today we'll be playing some volleyball! Pay close attention to me, an Olympic medalist [waves medals] to learn how to truly win the game. [Chucks the volleyball at Jeff, who gets beaned.]  
  
Jeff: [angry] You want to throw something at me, throw a fist you wuss! [punches Kurt]  
  
Class: OH SHIT!! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!  
  
[The two adults are rolling around on the floor punching and kicking. Jeff climbs on top of...well, something. Let's say a radiator. Anyway, he jumps off and executes a Swanton Bomb on Kurt. The class is in awe.]  
  
Kurt: You insane freak!!! I'll show you Xtreme!! [Runs up the stairs and is ready to moonsault off of the balcony when Kylrane stops the madness.]  
  
Kylrane: Quit it!!! As much as I enjoy a good ass kicking-  
  
Class: SO DO WE!!!  
  
Kylrane: If one of you is injured, Vince McMahon will have my head served to him on a silver platter. So stop, and lets play already!  
  
Starlight: YEAH! ENOUGH STANDING AROUND!! [Starlight is a non-writer friend of mine.]  
  
[Kurt and Jeff grumble, but agree. They choose teams, and now the class is divided in two. Jeff throws Kylrane the ball.]  
  
Kylrane: Rei! You serve! [Hands it to Rei. Rei nods, and serves. Starlight, on the other team, jumps and hits it over the net. Haxor (yet another friend, this time a guy) runs up and returns the ball. Sorry, I'm not good with volleyball terms.]  
  
Kurt: Move it, slugs, move it!! Get the ball!!! [He himself runs and spikes it.]  
  
Jeff: Hey!! You're not supposed to...fuck that, I'm playing too!! Kylrane, get that!!  
  
Kylrane: [Smacks the ball over the net.] ARGHH!! I'M BAD AT THIS!!! [It bonks Kurt on his bald head.]  
  
Kurt: HEY!!! YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!!!  
  
Haxor: Yo baldy, don't hate the player, hate the game!  
  
Rei: Haxor?  
  
Haxor: Yeah?  
  
Rei: Don't ever say that again.  
  
Haxor: Ok.  
  
[So they play a really good game of volleyball. At one point, Kylrane and Roo (another friend!!) collide and Kylrane gets stuck in a head lock. Kurt and Jeff are hell bent on beaning each other with the volleyball. Monkey (guy friend) punches the ball into the air and breaks a light. All in all, it's a chaotic but fun game.]  
  
Starlight: So like, who the hell won??  
  
Jeff and Kurt: MY TEAM DID!!! [They stare and growl. Penguin and Junior have to separate them.]  
  
[At the end of the day, Jeff and Kurt are fighting over whose car Kylrane's riding home in. While they argue, Kylrane catches a bus and goes home.]  
  
Kylrane: How is it that this shit always seems to happen to me?? DAMN!  
  
Monkey: Hey, can you spot me a few dollars? I lost my MetroCard.  
  
Kylrane: ARGHH!!!!!  
  
  
  
Sorry if that was weird with the revolving door of weird named people. They really are people I know, its just...I didn't want to use real names. The fake names are major references to the real people, though. If you were in my class and read this, you'd know who's who. Ah! It just makes sense to me.... 


	10. The Three I's: Ignorance, Idiocy, and Ic...

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!! NOTHING I TELL YOU!!!  
  
I'm a bit stressed right now...damn science projects. WAHH!!!  
  
Happy Chinese New Year to all those celebrating today! My best friend is Chinese (Reichan410...otherwise known as Lauren...) and would kick my behind if I didn't mention the Year of the Goat is officially here. Lucky her. She gets money.  
  
Wow. Third straight chapter that Jeff Hardy's been here. I'm becoming fond of him. It's a miracle.  
  
Yay, I'm getting reviews! Hey, if you like this stuff, refer me to your friends!! Or go read the other stuff I've got. It's not much, but it might help if you need to kill time.  
  
[The doorbell rings. Kylrane looks out the window and smirks. Angle looks furious. She goes and opens the door.]  
  
Kylrane: Hi Mr. Clean.  
  
Angle: Where have you been?! I've been worried sick, looking all over for you!!  
  
Kylrane: You worried? I'm touched!! [Smiles for a second, then goes back to her normal self.] See, if you thought about it, you would have called me like Jeff to find out I went home.  
  
Angle: Excuse me?!  
  
Kylrane: Jeff called me like twenty minutes ago! I got on a bus while you two boneheads kept arguing.  
  
Angle: [settles down] Oh. Ok. [rubs his WWE Undisputed Championship belt for comfort] At least he'll never have this.  
  
Kylrane: I don't think he'll ever have your bald head, either, if that makes you feel better. [Goes to make some hot chocolate. It's FREEZING in New York!!]  
  
Angle: [thinks about that for a minute] Yeah, I think he'll never have that too...Do you have any milk here?  
  
Kylrane: [points to refrigerator] What's with you and milk?  
  
Angle: Milk's my favorite. Milk gives you the power to do whatever you want. I drank milk all the time, that's how I won these babies. [kisses medals] I bet you've never had the experience of winning a gold medal.  
  
Kylrane: Not to rain on your parade, but I've been winning medals since I was in first grade. I've got a whole collection upstairs if you wanna check it out. Science fairs, math bees, spelling bees...  
  
Angle: [doesn't feel special anymore] But only I have gold medals!! I'm an Olympian!  
  
Kylrane: [realizes Angle's extremely slow] So? I'm a thespian!  
  
Angle: [starts having a tantrum] I'm special, DAMNIT! I'm Kurt Angle, Olympic gold medalist and WWE Champion!! I'm a role model for children everywhere, and I'm training Team Angle!!!  
  
Kylrane: So? Do you think anyone really gives a damn if you won those two medals? Really, Kurt, do you think anyone respects you because you won the Olympics with a broken neck? No! You kept bragging all the damn time about it, so people got bored of you. Come up with something new, baldy boy. Do something impossible.  
  
Angle: [ready to cry] But-but...I have the three I's! I've got integrity, intelligence, and intensity!  
  
Kylrane: [sips hot chocolate] Right. You've got integrity, but you cheat all the time in your matches. Sure, you're intense, but you're falling to pieces just because I'm making fun of you! I'm a fourteen year old, how the hell can I scare someone that's supposedly so intense and powerful?! And as for intelligence, don't even MAKE ME go there.  
  
Angle: [sniffs] So how am I supposed to make people like me?? I want people to like me!!!  
  
Kylrane: Stop cheating in matches. Earn people's respect. I don't know, do something! And stop talking about all the gold you've got to Team Angle. They're starting to think you're a prick.  
  
Angle: [teary] REALLY?  
  
Kylrane: I don't know. I'm fourteen.  
  
Angle: [remembers he's the adult in the situation] Oh yeah! Well then! Go to your room and do your homework!  
  
Kylrane: I did it already.  
  
Angle: [walking around] This place is a mess! Clean up!  
  
Kylrane: No.  
  
Angle: [leans in intimidatingly] What did you say??  
  
Kylrane: [cowers for a minute but gathers all the New Yorker in her] I SAID NO YOU ASS!!!  
  
Angle: That's it! I'm punishing you!!  
  
Kylrane: Who are you to punish me?! What, trying to throw your weight around here because no one listens to you anywhere else?!?!  
  
Angle: I'm your babysitter, so you do as I say!!  
  
Kylrane: [whining] I'm going to call the Undertaker to kick your ass!!!  
  
Angle: Yeah right. [He looks as if he's going to beat her up. Kylrane shakes in fear. Suddenly...]  
  
Jeff: [Has groceries in his arms] What the hell?  
  
Angle: This brat is undermining my authority!!  
  
Kylrane: Help mee....[shakes]  
  
Jeff: [Goes over to Angle and pushes him] Pick on me, not on the girl.  
  
Angle: [pushes back] You want a piece of me?!  
  
Jeff: [Punches Angle. They start fighting. Kylrane gets up, goes into the kitchen, retrieves a frying pan, and smacks Angle upside the head.] Good shot. I think I should get going now. I'll take Angle.  
  
Kylrane: WHAT? You're LEAVING?? NO!! I liked having a normal person around for once.  
  
Jeff: I'm NORMAL?  
  
Kylrane: [thinks that over] Good point, but we didn't get to dye your hair or anything!!  
  
Jeff: Sorry kid.  
  
Kylrane: [sniff] I wanted to ride your motorcycle...  
  
Jeff: You're underage, remember?  
  
Kylrane: [pouts] Do you really have to go?  
  
Jeff: Well yeah! How the hell am I supposed to be paid if I don't work?  
  
Kylrane: [gives up] Ok. Mediah (hi Debz!) said she wanted to kick your ass when I finished with you anyway. [hands him a credit card] Oh, can you give this to Goldust? It's his. I maxxed it out.  
  
Jeff: [checks his own wallet] Erm...I guess I can give this to him. Who wants to kick my ass again?  
  
Kylrane: Mediah. Also known as Debzie. I dunno why...I forget stuff...  
  
Jeff: [scratches head, then shrugs] Thanks for the heads up. [drags Angle out the door and leaves]  
  
Kylrane: [Watches Jeff drive away. She then reaches behind a couch cushion, pulling out a credit card belonging to Jeff Hardy.] The nice ones are always suckers. Mwahahahaha!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Ok...That might not have been my best stuff due to me being short on time...I have to write a damn research paper and set up the display and a whole bunch of shit. If I don't do it, I fail. I really don't want to fail. If I fail, well, let's just say I have a reputation for being the freakin smartest person...ergh. Sometimes I want to be rebellious and dye my hair red, but nah. REVIEW!!! Oh, and I stuck Mediah in there because she really did say she wanted to kick Jeff's ass after I was through with him...I try not to make cameos common... 


	11. Old Guy, Big Nose, Dumb Rookie, and Same...

Disclaimer: Blah, I own nothing, don't sue me, that sort of shit.  
  
WAHOO! I'M PROJECT FREE!!! Finally I can write without worrying about stuff. :) Sorry about the delay...it's been a stressful week.  
  
The following chapter includes stuff that really did happen to me. Damnit. WHY?!?!  
  
  
  
[Kylrane's dad is on the internet. We don't see the monitor. He's making tickity-tak noises on the keyboard. Suddenly, his expression changes.]  
  
Kylrane's dad: Whoops. Uh...  
  
[Back to the interesting stuff. Kylrane's in front of her PC that is SO SLOW and is logging in to the interent. She freaks.]  
  
Kylrane: Ok...I did NOT just see that...[moves the mouse around and clicks] AUGHH!!! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?! [becomes frantic] No!! NO!! [Signs on using the other screenname she has. She picks up her cell phone and calls her father.]  
  
Kylrane's dad: Hello?  
  
Kylrane: [extremely upset] Daddy...  
  
Kylrane's dad: What happened?! Are those wrestlers hurting you?!  
  
Kylrane: No...Daddy, where's my evenflow account on the internet? It's not here....[holds back sobs]  
  
Kylrane's dad: Oh...um...about that...you see-  
  
Kylrane: DAD WHAT HAPPENED?! NOW I CAN'T RECEIVE MOST OF MY EMAILS!! ESPECIALLY THE ONES WITH REVIEWS!!!  
  
Kylrane's dad: Reviews for what?  
  
Kylrane: Forget it, Dad. What did you do??  
  
Kylrane's dad: Erm, I was just signing off, I swear, and...well...I clicked something and your email address got transfered to another account...Just make another one...I'll make it up to you. I'll take you to the circus or something. Bye. [hangs up]  
  
Kylrane: [staring at the phone in her hand] I am SO screwed...I'll ask Rei to help me out, I guess, she's good at computers...I dunno...[starts crying] My email! My email!! I liked that screename too!!!  
  
[Doorbell rings. Doorbell rings again. And again. Kylrane looks towards the door, sighs, and anwers it. She stares in fear and surprise at those on the other side of the door.]  
  
Ric Flair: [looks around the house] Get a load of this place, H.  
  
Triple H: [steps inside the house with an amused look] What a dump. Definitely doesn't have the ambience of the places we're used to.  
  
Batista: [shrugs] You can't expect a family house to be a four star hotel, though. Especially if some kid lives here.  
  
Kylrane: I'M NOT...[She becomes aware of the glares directed towards her. She bites her lip.]  
  
Ric Flair: [turns around] Hey Randy, get in here.  
  
Kylrane: WHAT?! RANDY ORTON HERE AGAIN?!?! HELL NO!  
  
Orton: [walks in with a cocky grin] There's four of us and only one of you, little girl. What can you do to stop us, huh? Not so powerful now, are you?  
  
Kylrane: [thinks about it for a minute] Well, then why was I able to intimidate you when Rico was with you? You just want some big powerful bullies around so you can throw around your weight. Two can play at that game, rookie. [runs up the stairs and hides in a closet]  
  
Ric Flair: Should we go after her?  
  
Triple H: What can she do? Cry us out of here?  
  
Kylrane: [opens closet] I HEARD THAT BIG NOSE!!!  
  
Triple H: [angry] Get her. [They comb the house.]  
  
[Kylrane is hiding in the closet behind some clothes. She blends in perfectly due to tons of practice while playing hide and seek with her cousins. The only light in the cramped space is coming from her cell phone. Highlighted is the number of the Hurricane.]  
  
Kylrane: [dials the Hurricane] Please work...  
  
Hurricane: Greetings, citizen! Who is this?  
  
Kylrane: [in a hushed but frantic voice] You probably don't know me, but I am in need of your help!! Four evildoers are searching for me, an innocent girl who has done nothing wrong...come quick, please!! I called Triple H big nose!!  
  
Hurricane: A young damsel in distress! I shall come to your rescue, and with my Hurri-powers, defeat Triple H!!  
  
Kylrane: It's not just Triple H, or else I might not be so afraid. He's got his little faction, so bring some other people, like Kane or RVD or maybe even Shawn Michaels...just bring some equalizers!! [Hears Ric Flair coming. Kylrane quickly shuts off her phone and stands still.]  
  
Batista: Hey, Nache [I have NO IDEA how to spell that...its the "Nat" in Nature Boy] did you check in that closet yet?  
  
Flair: Why would that kid hide there? It's too obvious of a hiding place.  
  
Batista: I dunno. Maybe she's dumb. Like me.  
  
Flair: You check.  
  
Batista: No, I'll look stupid.  
  
Flair: [rolls eyes at Batista] Hey Randy, go check for the kid in the closet!  
  
Orton: She can't be there! Too easy!  
  
Triple H: Someone check in there!  
  
Flair, Batista, and Orton: NO!!  
  
[Inside the closet, Kylrane mouths to the heavens 'Thank You!'. She jumps when she hears a loud bang. There are cries of surprise and it's obvious that someone's getting their ass kicked. Curious, she opens the closet door a little and peeks out.]  
  
Hurricane: [kicking Randy Orton] Take this! And this! Evil cannot prevail over my Hurri-powers!!! [drops his elbow into Orton's ribs]  
  
Scott Steiner: Yeah, assholes! [lifts up Triple H] Holler if ya hear me!! [throws him against the wall] Freakzilla is in the house! [does push ups]  
  
Bubba Ray Dudley: [shoves D-von] D-von!! Get that table!!!  
  
Kylrane: [pops out of the closet] Don't get the table!! Don't get the table!! I'll be in so much trouble my dad will bury me alive, kill me, and then feed me to the sharks!! [points to the stairs] Just throw 'em down there, it hurts enough...  
  
Bubba and D-von: [shrugs] Ok. [Picks up Batista and Flair and throws them down the stairs. There are several thumps and aughs until they hit the first floor.]  
  
Hurricane: Are you the damsel in distress?  
  
Kylrane: If you mean am I the one that called you, yes. Don't call me a damsel in distress if you enjoy life.  
  
Hurricane: Is that a threat?  
  
Kylrane: Hey, if I can make Vince McMahon do whatever I want, don't you think I could ruin your career? But I won't do that, I owe you guys...maybe I can bargain some title shots...  
  
Steiner: I've already had title shots. What else can you offer?  
  
Kylrane: I dunno. Maybe I can get you a better theme song, those sirens annoy the hell out of me.  
  
D-von: And we always get cheated out of our title shots! We need something else, too!  
  
Kylrane: Erm...[thinks] Well, if Bischoff gets fired Monday [looks up at the heavens] PLEASE [goes back to the Dudleys] probably Shane McMahon will demote Chief More-Lame. If Bischoff stays, however, I can't think how I'd get that asshole fired. What if I get Morley or whatever to your houses to torture and stuff? How about that?  
  
Bubba: That's good.  
  
Hurricane: What about me?  
  
Kylrane: Isn't a title shot good enough?  
  
Hurricane: I just want a little something extra! C'mon, I'm the Hurricane! I'm a Hurri-hunk!  
  
Kylrane: [is a little weirded out] A Hurri-hunk??  
  
Hurricane: Yeah! And kids love me!  
  
Kylrane: Ok....uh...what, you want a hug? A little encouragement??  
  
Hurricane: A HUG! I LIKE HUGS! [opens arms wide]  
  
Kylrane: Well you're not getting one from me.  
  
Panda: [pops out of nowhere] I'll give you a hug!! [Hugs Hurricane] Yeah!! 28 hugs! I'm kicking Starlight's ass!!! [disappears out the window]  
  
Kylrane: I have GOT to get some mentally sound friends.  
  
Hurricane: I feel so loved.  
  
Steiner: That reminds me, I have some of my freaks waiting for me. We'll take these punks [picks up Triple H] and put them in a place they'll feel more welcome.  
  
[Hurricane, Bubba, and D-von leave with the members of the faction that I'm assuming is called Evolution. Kylrane flops onto a couch.]  
  
Kylrane: [just sits there] .........[blinks]..........[scratches head]......Starlight and Panda were having a hugging contest?!?!  
  
[See Starlight going up and down the aisles of a store hugging people. Then you see Panda running around the sidewalks of New York hugging complete strangers. Kylrane shudders.]  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok...that was weird. Oh yeah. Where is...em, I'll say "Evolution"?  
  
[Batista wakes up and screams. Triple H turns to him.]  
  
Triple H: [mortified] I know!!!! Just shut up!!!  
  
[The members of Evolution are tied up naked in a male brothel. *Shudder* Some really old ladies are grinning at them in a funny way. *Shudder Shudder*]  
  
Ok...that was really really really weird. Ugh. *Shudder* Reviews please!!!!!! 


	12. For Those Who Have the Luxury of Flash P...

Disclaimer: I own nothing, alright? Geez...  
  
I HATE Valentine's Day. Especially this one. You know why? I couldn't eat chocolate (I never recieve skittles...*sob*) today and other classes in my school distributed bags of candy to my class!!! The wire underneath the roof of my mouth (I think it's called the palette expander) broke so one end was hanging off and IT HURT! So no chocolate for me until I got to the dentist, who is EVIL. WAHH!!!  
  
Who was my Valentine? Heheh! Christopher Ender Carrabba!! Well, ok, I played my Dashboard Confessional DVD so I could pretend Chris was singing to me...hey, sad love songs are perfect for Valentine's Day.  
  
On with the story!  
Kylrane: Wow. An autographed copy of Alternative Press with Dashboard Confessional on the cover. [hugs magazine] The complete set of Ranma 1/2 comic books. [grins] A laptop and cable connection for the PC!!!! Oh, the power of credit! [kisses Jeff Hardy's credit card] To think I could only get an electric guitar with Goldust's card.  
  
[Her cell phone rings. Kylrane glares at it but reluctantly answers.]  
  
Kylrane: Hello?  
  
Caller: What the hell is the meaning of this?  
  
Kylrane: The meaning of what?!  
  
Caller: The meaning of four of my greatest superstars in a MALE BROTHEL!!! Damnit, I was enjoying replaying Bischoff's face from my recording of Raw after I put him in a match with Austin! Then I get a call from Ric Flair saying his faction are getting groped by desparate old women!!  
  
Kylrane: Oh. Hello Vince.  
  
Vince: What the hell?! 'Hello Vince'!! Is that all you have to say?! I'm Vince McMahon, damnit, I deserve apologies and groveling!!!  
  
Kylrane: That's what you get for not firing Bischoff.  
  
Vince: [thinks] Well, ok, I admit, I really did want to fire his ass. But then didn't the Got My Ass Kicked Club make up for it?  
  
Kylrane: No. I can't order Pay Per Views if my dad ain't here! I won't be seeing Austin murdering Bischoff. Besides, I bet you Flair was enjoying that thoroughly.  
  
Vince: ...Ugh...[shudders] Well, I don't know what the hell to do with you now!  
  
Kylrane: Send someone. Anyone. Or give my father back.  
  
Vince: Who the hell can I send that you won't torture?!  
  
Kylrane: Al Snow is cool. Al Snow is very cool. Then again, he might lock me out of the house in the freezing snow as a practical joke...OH, maybe I can try and teach Lance Storm to have some charisma! Or even better, have Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore come back so I can torture Matt by eating ice cream and chocolate and stuff in front of him, since he's trying to lose two pounds. That would be fun!!!  
  
Vince: You're a sadist, aren't you.  
  
Kylrane: [thinks about that] Let me go look that up in the dictionary...there are some definitions I don't think fit me...  
  
Vince: What I mean is that you delight in cruelty.  
  
Kylrane: Oh. Well, so are you.  
  
Vince: True. Well, I guess I'll send Al Snow over.  
  
Kylrane: I WANT TO TORTURE MATT HARDY!  
  
Vince: No, damnit! You can't let him gain weight, we need more people in the cruiserweight division! However, I guess I can let you have Shannon Moore.  
  
Kylrane: What the hell am I going to do with Shannon Moore? He doesn't need to lose two pounds!  
  
Vince: Well, you're a teenage girl. Shannon Moore is cute. Don't you think Shannon Moore is cute?  
  
Kylrane: [weirded out] You think Shannon Moore is cute?? Vince McMahon just said Shannon Moore is cute.  
  
Vince: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! ANSWER THE QUESTION, DAMNIT!!!  
  
Kylrane: I guess Shannon Moore is kinda cute, but he's not my type.  
  
Vince: What the hell is your type then?! You want...Edge?  
  
Kylrane: BRIBING ME WITH WHAT IN YOUR OPINION ARE CUTE GUYS ISN'T GOING TO WORK!!! Besides, the only way you'll get out of this is if you BRING ME MY DADDY BACK! Or if you get me Orlando Bloom and Christopher Carrabba, but that's not going to happen...  
  
Vince: [excited] WHO? WHO? Maybe I can...  
  
Kylrane: Go ahead. Send me Al Snow and Edge. I don't really care anymore.  
  
Vince: If I get you whoever you wanted, will you stop your demands?  
  
Kylrane: No. I always need to be one step ahead of you, Vinny.  
  
Vince: You're one sick kid.  
  
Kylrane: I try to do as good as you. [hangs up with smug grin] I feel good putting down the powerful.  
  
[Doorbell rings. Kylrane looks up.]  
  
Kylrane: How the hell do they arrive so freakin' fast?! [opens door]  
  
Edge: [flashes his pearly whites] Hi! Are you Kylrane?  
  
Kylrane: Yes. Are you a Crest kid? Your teeth are so freakin white! Did you gargle bleach or something?!  
  
Edge: No, I brush ten times every 12 hours.  
  
Kylrane: Damn.  
  
Al Snow: [also grins] Hello there! How are you? [turns to Edge] Don't you think it's time for your next brushing?  
  
Edge: Yeah, can you hand me my stuff? [Al hands him a bag] I'll be right back.  
  
Al Snow: [bends and speaks in Kylrane's ear] Just to let you in on the secret, I switched his toothpaste with some joke shop stuff that turns your teeth black!!  
  
Kylrane: [stares at Al Snow] Why?  
  
Al Snow: Why the hell not?! Haven't you ever played practical jokes before?  
  
Kylrane: Well, yeah, but I only steal my friend's bags or their books. I give it back when they start to-  
  
[A piercing scream is heard throughout the house. Edge runs out into the living room with his tooth brush in hand. There's still foam along the side of his mouth.]  
  
Edge: MY TEETH!! MY TEETH!! NO!!! [they are black]  
  
Al Snow: [bursts out laughing] SUCKER! Why did you trust ME to hold your stuff?  
  
Edge: Shutup! You're acting like you're in high school.  
  
Kylrane: HEY! I don't act like that at all!  
  
Al Snow: [gives Kylrane a noogie] Sure you do!  
  
Edge: [pulls Kylrane towards him] Let her go, you'll mess up her scalp!  
  
Kylrane: [blushing] You smell good. You know, it IS Valentine's Day...[hugs Edge] I can't believe I've just turned into a fangirl.  
  
Al Snow: Aw, that's a Kodak moment.  
  
Kylrane: [turns into a fanged monster lady] IF YOU DARE TAKE A PICTURE OF ME LIKE THIS YOU WILL WISH YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN BORN, DAMNIT!!! [turns back into a normal girl]  
  
Edge: How come you aren't hugging me anymore? I like hugs.  
  
Kylrane: I turned normal again. That means I'm no longer a fangirl. Whew. [smiles] Thank goodness I'm back to my usual, bitchy, smartass, non-fangirl self. Now I have no weaknesses!!  
  
Rei: [pops out of nowhere] Look, Ranie, I've got a bag of skittles in one hand and a bag of chocolates in the other!!!!! [waves them around]  
  
Kylrane: [stares at the candy longingly] Ok, I have weaknesses, but I can't eat right now...[to Rei] Leave now before I severely hurt you.  
  
Rei: Ok! [runs away]  
  
Edge: C'mon, kid, you can't resist me!  
  
Kylrane: Yeah I can.  
  
Christian: [also pops out of nowhere] EDGE!  
  
Edge: [surprised] CHRISTIAN!  
  
Edge and Christian: [together] BRO!! [they embrace] Dude, I've missed you!  
  
Al Snow: Now THIS is a Kodak moment.  
  
Christian: [looks at Edge] Should we do it, for old time's sake?  
  
Edge: Sure, bro! That would reek of awesomeness! Ahem. [Is handed sunglasses and a hat by some random guy. Same goes for Christian.] For all those with the luxury of flash photography [I'm sorry, I can't remember the exact words they used to say] we will now have a FIVE SECOND POSE!!!  
  
[Edge and Christian start posing, just like old times. Christian is wearing those horrendus sunglasses that go over his head, while Edge is sporting a bright orange hat with pink feathers. Mediah, KazzaXTreme, MoonWolf, AngelRose82, the fan, and others rush in and start taking pictures.]  
  
Christian: That was so full of coolosity.  
  
Edge: Yeah.  
  
Al Snow: Do you guys need to get a room or something, because this sentimental crap is going to make me puke.  
  
Kylrane: Oh, please not on the carpet...  
  
Christian: Hey, you've gotten sappier on episodes of Tough Enough, ok?!  
  
Edge: Whatever, man. [He and Christian leave.]  
  
Al Snow: Now I'm really going to puke.  
  
Kylrane: [panics] GET OUT NOW!!! [kicks him out] Whew! [puking noises are heard outside] Oh, no, not on the snow...  
Ok...I had those people come in because I went through the reviews asking for Edge knowing that since I FINALLY used him (been saving him along with Al Snow), those people should be mentioned. Sorry if you've been craving Edge too, those are the people I saw that wanted him. Well, anyways, I hope you enjoyed that strange chapter...I kinda wanted another Vince conversation. Review and make me happy!! 


	13. The Name Is Kylrane, Junior!

Disclaimer: I own nada. Nothing. Zip. Only a sign that I wear that says "Hug Me".  
  
Yeah! People listen to me! Dashboard Confessional DOES rule! Just go and give it a try, download one song, or just look at the lyrics, he's awesome! Sara (Whose To Say I Don't Know) knows!!! Ok, calming down now...  
  
Sorry if this one is going to be lame. Having nothing to do during vacation may actually have a bad effect on my creative process. That and I haven't had my regularly scheduled bag of skittles...*sob*  
  
[Vince is sitting in his office, trying to think of ways to make other people's lives miserable. Particularly a writer who resides in New York. *hint hint* Yes, my friends, that would be me.]  
  
Vince: How the hell can this kid get under my skin?! It's just a KID! I'm Vince McMahon, damnit, I don't need to deal with this load of crap!!  
  
Kylrane's dad: [Buried under a pile of papers. Miraculously, it's a slightly smaller pile of papers, but hey, it's a change!] Talking to yourself again, Vince?  
  
Vince: [realizes he's not alone in the room] Uh...yeah!  
  
Kylrane's dad: Who are you complaining about this time?  
  
Vince: [thinks] It's that PUNK...uh...Shannon Moore! Yeah! Shannon Moore! He's so annoying and stuff...  
  
Kylrane's dad: [weirded out] Ok...[goes back to paperwork]  
  
[An idea pops into Vince's head.]  
  
Vince: [presses a button that lets him communicate with a personal assistant] Margie, get me Chris Jericho. I've got a special assignment for him. Mwahahah! MWAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Kylrane's dad: When my daughter cackles like that, it's usually not good.  
  
[Zip to Kylrane's house]  
  
Kylrane: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAH!!! [she surveys the new entertainment system bought through Jeff Hardy's credit card] MWAHAHAHAHAHAaaa..acckkk.....[starts coughing] Ok, that's when you've done enough evil laughing...phew...[calms down]...I really have to learn to control myself sometimes...like when Edge came...[grins for a second, then shudders] I can't believe I let my guard down. BAD ME! BAD ME!  
  
[Doorbell rings]  
  
Kylrane: EEE! I hope that's - DAMNIT STOP! Do I have a freakin' split personality?! [expression changes] Yes you do. [expression changes] NO I DON'T! YOU STAY DEEP INSIDE WHERE NO ONE CAN FIND YOU! [expression changes...think Gollum/Smeagol in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers] But if it IS Edge, what will you do? [expression changes] I will scream "YOU'RE NOT CUTE!" and slam the door! [expression changes] But I like blondes! [expression changes] Yeah, well, good for you, damnit! Stupid fangirl...  
  
Person Ringing Bell: Hello?! Is anyone there?!  
  
Kylrane: [glares at...herself...and answers the door] May I...don't tell me you're here for...  
  
Person: [strokes beard] What, the King of the World ain't good enough for you?! I'm not only a HUGE ROCK STAR, but I'm a living legend! I'm the best you can ask for, kiddie! Oh, I see, you're shocked to see such greatness in front of you! That's ok, junior, when I look in the mirror every morning, I wonder how I came to be so damn sexy!  
  
Kylrane: [still staring] Is your gimmick Goat Man? Or FlamboyantClothingBoy?  
  
Jericho: [I hope you figured out it was Jericho.] What did you say?  
  
Kylrane: Oh! You're Jericho!!  
  
Jericho: That's King of the World Jericho to you, missy! [walks into the house and lies on the couch] So, what's your name, junior?  
  
Kylrane: I AM NOT A KID!!!!! DAMNIT!!! My name is Kylrane....SENIOR!  
  
Jericho: Well, Lorraine, go get me a coke.  
  
Kylrane: It's Kylrane, damnit, and why should I get you a coke?? You're supposed to be the one taking care of ME.  
  
Jericho: Look, if my throat is all dry, how can I give you the pleasure of hearing my gorgeous voice? Ahh...[rubs throat] Now get me a coke, Insane.  
  
Kylrane: [angrily grabs a coke can from the fridge] It's KYLRANE!!!! [chucks can at Jericho]  
  
Jericho: [catches can] Thanks, Killjoy.  
  
Kylrane: ARRRGGGHHHH....  
  
Jericho: What are you complaining about? You get to spend time with the sexiest man alive!  
  
Kylrane: I'm sorry to inform you that 1) Ben Affleck was named the sexiest man alive, 2) I don't think Ben Affleck is the sexiest man alive, and 3) You sure as hell aren't on the top of my list.  
  
Jericho: [frowns] Figures, you are a bit young to know of the pleasures of intimacy. Once you're old enough, I think you'd understand how an injection of Vitamin C would do a woman's body good.  
  
Kylrane: I can't believe you just said that.  
  
Jericho: You almost sounded like that dunce Booker T for a second.  
  
Kylrane: You sounded like a male whore.  
  
Jericho: Once again, you're just too young to understand...[strokes beard] I'm just so dead sexy. Unlike that multicolored assclown Jeff Hardy!!  
  
Kylrane: HEY! You lay off Jeff!  
  
Jericho: [smirks] What, little Killian has a crush on Mr. Xtreme?? Aww...[Kyrlane glowers at him] You ought to be a Jericholic, junior. You wouldn't be disappointed all the time, I actually win matches.  
  
Kylrane: Didn't he kick your ass on Monday...  
  
Jericho: HE CHEATED!!!!! [slams coke down and starts yelling in Kylrane's face] That idiot won his first match in weeks over ME! ME, a HUGE ROCK STAR!!! The kid joins up with that washed up HAS BEEN Shawn Michaels and beats ME! He just couldn't win on his own, couldn't he?! BODY PAINTED FREAK!!!!  
  
Kylrane: Why are you so jealous of him??  
  
Jericho: Me? Jealous?! Why would I be jealous of THAT loser?!  
  
Kylrane: [raises eyebrow] Oh, I don't know, maybe because girls scream when he takes his shirt off? [I'm kind of quoting Christian...]  
  
Jericho: [pouts] Girls scream when I take my shirt off. Besides, he doesn't have the incredible style I have!  
  
Kylrane: Jericho, girls scream because you have those ugly ass outfits ON.  
  
Jericho: SHUTUP! SHUTUP! YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT!!!  
  
Kylrane: [smirks] Did I upset poor little Jerky-cho? Well that's too damn bad. Go hug yourself for comfort.  
  
Jericho: [Glares at Kylrane. He suddenly grabs her, throws her over his shoulder, and runs to his car.] This what you get for being a brat!!  
  
Kylrane: What the fuck are you doing?! [starts punching his back]  
  
Jericho: Kidnapping you, what does it look like?! I may be the most conceited man alive, but I'm no idiot. [He grabs Kylrane's arms and ties them behind her back with some rope that magically appears.] For some insane reason, Vince McMahon seems to be in fear of your underage little ass, so as long as I've got you, Vince fears ME.  
  
Kylrane: [thrusts her shoulder into Jericho's stomach and tries to run but trips] IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! IF I REBEL AGAINST WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT, VINCE WON'T LISTEN TO YOU!! [kicks Jericho from the ground]  
  
Jericho: [grabs her legs and ties them too, then throws her into the backseat] That's what you think, kiddie. By the way, Elaine, anything you want me to grab before we leave?? [cackles]  
  
Kylrane: [thinks quickly] Yeah, my coat. It IS cold here, you know...  
  
Jericho: [looks at her funny] Alright, I'll get you that. [runs into the house and brings back her leather coat] I hope you don't mind heavy metal, I'm going to put on my Fozzy CD!! And if you don't, I don't give a damn!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! [pulls out of the driveway and speeds off]  
  
Kylrane: [whimpers] NOOOOO!!!!  
  
[Five hours later, it's nightfall. Jericho's at a rest stop. He's in one of the restaurants buying some food and Kylrane is still lying in the backseat of his car.]  
  
Kylrane: [to herself] C'mon, c'mon, just a little closer...[is trying to get her cell phone out of her coat pocket] Why does Vince always send me the crazy ones?! [the cell phone makes its way into her hand] THANK THE HEAVENS!!!! Now...oh shit. How the hell am I supposed to hold the cell phone if my hands are tied?! Shit...[starts to fumble with the rope] Damnit, please let Jericho get in a fight or something...  
  
[In the restaurant]  
  
Jericho: I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR A NON SESAME SEED BUN, DAMNIT!!! A NON SESAME SEED BUN!!!! [grabs a random busboy and starts choking him]  
  
[Back in the car, Kylrane searches for anything that could cut the rope.]  
  
Kylrane: [Bangs her head against the glove compartment. It opens.] Ow, damnit! [Noses through the items in the compartment. Something sharp pokes her.] AUGHH!!! [Finds razor blades still in its packages] Thank goodness Jericho's stopped shaving... [turns around and grabs the package] How the hell am I supposed to open this?! [peels at the cardboard until the razors pop out] YES!! FREEDOM IS SO CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT!!!! [starts rubbing a razor against the rope]  
  
[Jericho is approaching. Kylrane immediately closes the compartment with her knee, hides the other razors in her coat pocket, and lies down the backseat. She's still rubbing the rope with the razor.]  
  
Jericho: [opens car door and gets into the drivers seat] Stupid, ignorant fools...[looks at Kylrane] You hungry, kid?  
  
Kylrane: You kidnapped me but you're offering me food?!  
  
Jericho: Hey, I've got to keep you alive if I want my demands met, right? [throws her a burger] Oh yeah, I forgot, you can't hold it since your ARMS ARE TIED BEHIND YOUR BACK!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!  
  
Kylrane: [glares and mumbles] You'll get yours soon enough, Jericho...[keeps trying to cut the rope surreptitiously]  
  
[They drive off. Jericho stays in a Motel 6 but leaves Kylrane in the car. Bad move, dude, bad move.]  
  
Will Kylrane's other personality make another appearance? Does Jericho really prefer a non sesame seed bun? Will Kylrane escape from Jericho's evil clutches? Why did Jericho stay at a Motel 6? Can I think of anymore questions to type in? Nope, you're spared. TO BE CONTINUED....MWAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Please review!! I beg you to review!! And sorry if you're a Jericho fan, but I thought it'd be funny to have him kidnap me. Give me your input! Reviews are the next best thing to hugs, and I don't have twenty bucks to fork over so Edge will hug me!! (If you've read my other fic, "The Doctor Is In", you'll get it...) REVIEW REVIEW REVIEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Oh yeah. This was written before No Way Out, so I didn't know the outcome. Now that I've uploaded it and checked the PPV results, I see that...well...I was just too lazy to change around some stuff in the chapters. Oh well....REVIEW!!! 


	14. Loss of Blood Can Make You Say Weird Thi...

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Neither does my split personality. [changes expression] YES I DO! EDGE IS MINE!! [changes expression] No, he's not, damnit, you don't like him! Now shutup and stay that way!!  
  
I apologize for the delay in updates. I'll try better. AH! Right now my hands smell like a combination of snow, onions, and bell peppers. I was shoveling snow and then cutting up some stuff for dinner. I have actually done the impossible! I cut two onions without tearing up (which can be hell when I'm wearing my contacts...they're clear, if you want to know...). My nose was stuffy, so I had to breathe through my mouth, which allowed me to successfully cut onions without having to pause and run out of the kitchen! Ok, sorry about that. Going on off on a tangent is common for me...  
  
In the last chapter, the villianous Jericho (Jericho: That's villianous KING OF THE WORLD Jericho to you, assclown!!) had kidnapped the innocent (heheheh) Kylrane and left her in his car overnight while he stayed at a Motel 6 ("We leave the light on for ya!"). Desperate to escape, (Kylrane: I suffered through FOUR HOURS of NONSTOP SING ALONGS!!! GAHH!!) she searches Jericho's glove compartment and stumbles upon some razors. What will happen??  
  
Kylrane: What's going to happen is that I'm going to free myself, dumbass! Isn't that obvious?? [Rubbing razor against the rope] GAH!! I'm BLEEDING!! [ropes cut] Ouchie!! [covers wrist with her shirt] Why do such bad things happen to me?! What did I do to screw up my life?! I NEED HELP!! [starts to go nuts]  
  
[The Hurricane swoops in and taps on the car window.]  
  
Hurricane: In distress again, young citizen?  
  
Kylrane: [stares] WHAT?! [she can't hear him through the glass] Speak up!!  
  
Hurricane: The girl cannot hear me! [motions for her to bring down the window]  
  
Kylrane: [the engine is off, so the window cannot be brought down] DAMNIT! [shakes her head at the Hurricane]  
  
Hurricane: [poses] I'll use my Hurri-powers!! [He proceeds to stare at the car door for ten minutes while Kylrane, still bleeding, begins to try and cut off the rope around her ankles. Finally, Hurricane comes to a conclusion.] I CAN'T DO IT! MY HURRI-POWERS HAVE FAILED YOU!! [starts to cry]  
  
Kylrane: [Realizes he can't open the door] I better call someone then...[Picks up her cell phone and dials a random number.]  
  
Callee: Hello?  
  
Kylrane: May I ask who I've dialed?  
  
Callee: [weirded out] This is Brock Lesnar...  
  
Kylrane: [disappointed...hey! I'm not much of a Brock Lesnar fan, ok?] Oh...can you like, come here so I can get pried out of this car as soon as possible. The Hurricane is here and he isn't helping at all.  
  
Brock: Sure. Why not. I'll bring some others in case we have a big problem. [hangs up]  
  
[The Hurricane is still crying that he couldn't save the day. Suddenly, he's surrounded by a bunch of people. Brock Lesnar brought a LOT of people. Kylrane is starting to zone out from being so bloody.]  
  
Brock: Ok, men, there's a kid stuck in there and...dude. Look at that licsence plate. [points]  
  
Rey Mysterio: 'LVNGLGND' ??  
  
Hogan: Chris Jericho's car, brotha. Living Legend, brotha.  
  
Jeff Hardy: [yeah, I know he's on Raw, but pretend Brock called anyone and everyone he could] Jericho's car, huh? I say we smash it to bits. [takes out baseball bat]  
  
Test: [stops Jeff] I hate Jericho too, but we have to get that girl out of there.  
  
Rey: [looks in] Quick, too, she's bleeding all over his car. That can't be good.  
  
Hogan: But we're going to destroy the car anyway, brotha!  
  
Brock: Rey meant it can't be good for the GIRL, Hogan.  
  
Hogan: Oh.  
  
[They all pull on the car door until it comes off. They're stuck underneath the door, so the Hurricane pulls Kylrane out.]  
  
Hurricane: I DID save the day!! Yay!! [carries Kylrane around]  
  
Kylrane: My head hurts. Everything hurts. Ooh, you're wearing a mask. Is it Mardi Gras? I'm hungry. [holds out wrists] Why is there red paint on my arms? Was there art class? I like art class. Art is fun. [looks at all the people] Are you having a sleepover party? It's late, when's your bedtime?? [continues to babble]  
  
Jeff: Hogan, go take care of her.  
  
Hogan: Why me, brotha?  
  
Jeff: 'Cause the rest of us want to kill Jericho's car.  
  
Hogan: I WANNA HAVE SOME FUN TOO!!  
  
Rey: Hurricane, play superhero and help the kid.  
  
Hurricane: [excited to be a hero] OK!  
  
[The rest of the guys begin to tear apart Jericho's car. Jericho awakes due to all the noise and looks out the window to see what's going on. He freaks and rushes to the parking lot.]  
  
Jericho: [wearing shiny orange and silver pajama pants and a shirt with purple bunnies on it...horrendus fashion sense...] What are you jackasses doing?! My car!!  
  
Kylrane: [glances at Jericho] Look Mr. Hurricane, it's the bad goat man. He didn't give me dessert. Only a sandwich, but I didn't want to make it turn red like my hands. [holds up hands] Why is your hair green, Mr. Hurricane? And why is the bad goat man wearing shiny pants?  
  
Hurricane: [bandages her wrists] The bad goat man thinks he's cool wearing ugly clothes. [poses] Wassupwidat?!  
  
Jericho: [sees Hurricane] THAT COMIC BOOK FREAK HAS MY TICKET TO SUCCESS!!! [runs to Kylrane and lifts her on his back] Get your own way of blackmailing Vince McMahon, junior!!  
  
Kylrane: NOO!! BAD GOAT MAN GOT ME!!  
  
Brock: [stops smashing Jericho's car windows] That kid can help you blackmail Vince McMahon?!  
  
Jericho: Well, yeah! This little brat [swings Kylrane] -  
  
Kylrane: SAVE ME! SAVE ME! IT'S THE BAD GOAT MAN!!  
  
Jericho: Would you shut the hell up?! [puts Kylrane down on the ground] This kid has some kind of grip on Vince McMahon and he does whatever it takes to keep her happy. I have absolutely no idea why he fears her, but the point is, she can get anything she wants from him. If I control her, I control Vince. [grins] Am I not the KING OF THE WORLD?!  
  
[All the guys look at each other.]  
  
Rey, Hogan, Jeff, Test, and Brock: I CLAIM HER!  
  
Kylrane: [sees the guys rushing towards her] Is Westlife here? [looks around] I hope not. Stampedes are scary. GAH! [is swooped up by Test]  
  
Test: YEAH! I GOT THE KID!!  
  
Jericho: HEY! Answer my question!  
  
Kyrlane: You look like a horse. [is dropped down] Ouchies. [Test leaves grumpily.]  
  
Brock: I'll take her. [picks her up]  
  
Jericho: WHAT?! HELLO!  
  
Kylrane: Nooo....you're sweaty.....AHH! THERE'S A MONSTER ON YOUR BACK!!  
  
Brock: That's my tattoo.  
  
Jericho: You can't ignore me forever!  
  
Kylrane: [looks at the Hurricane] Mr. Hurricane, I want to go home.  
  
Brock: But I want to blackmail Vince McMahon. So I'm going to kidnap you.  
  
Kylrane: Bad goat man kidnapped me before. Can I go home?  
  
Jericho: STOP CALLING ME BAD GOAT MAN, YOU IDIOT!!  
  
Jeff: Oh! You're that Kylrane kid.  
  
Kylrane: Yes I am, Mr. Rainbow Brite. [sees Jeff's paint] Were we in the same art class? Looks like you had fun! [to Brock] Can you put me down? I don't like heights.  
  
Jericho: Damnit! No one respects greatness nowadays!  
  
Hogan: There's a kidnapping in effect and no one is stopping it, brotha. Why is that, brotha?  
  
Rey: He's too tall. I can't reach the kid.  
  
Jericho: Damn right you're short, Tiny Tim.  
  
Kylrane: I wanna go home, Mr. Monster! Please put me down.  
  
Brock: Only if you can give me my demands.  
  
Kylrane: Wwwhhhhhhyyyyyy???????  
  
Brock: Just tell Vince McMahon what I want.  
  
Jericho: What the hell is this?! He's cashing in on my hard work?!  
  
Kylrane: [obviously not understanding] Ok...  
  
Brock: [hands her over to Jeff] You take her, you know her.  
  
Rey: What about me?!  
  
Jericho: What about you?! What about JERICHO?!  
  
Kylrane: You can have what Mr. Monster is going to have...  
  
Rey: COOL! [leaves]  
  
Jeff: Hey Hurricane!  
  
Jericho: This is crap!! Assclowns one and two are still here, plus this Kelly kid can't think straight!  
  
Hurricane: What?  
  
Jeff: Did she lose that much blood to be going nuts like this? I mean, she might be sick.  
  
Hurricane: My Hurri-senses tell me she'll be fine, but we better drop her off at home and watch her for awhile.  
  
Kylrane: SLEEPOVER! YAY!  
  
Jericho: Doesn't anyone know I'm here?!  
  
Jeff: Am I hearing voices?  
  
Hurricane: Probably. You ARE conflicted.  
  
Jeff: Yeah, that's true. [they leave with Kylrane]  
  
Jericho: What the fuck just happened?!  
  
Jeff: [comes back] Oh yeah, I forgot something! [quickly shaves off Jericho's beard] Now I feel better. [exits]  
  
Jericho: AHHHH! [rubs his chin] My mojo!! My mojo!! [think Austin Power's mojo = Chris Jericho's beard]  
  
Sorry if this one was lame and weird. It probably sucked (wah). I stuck in those guys for a reason. Brock, because people seem to like him. Rey, 'cause he's cool (that IS a good enough explanation!). Hogan, 'cause the 'brothas' are fun to type. Test, 'cause he doesn't like Jericho. Jeff, 'cause he's cute. Tee hee. And Hurricane, 'cause I think he got braces. I applaud him. He is now officially my hero. And the poses, the poses!! I can't help but adore the Hurricane, he's funny. Whoa, I've been rambling again! Just go review, for your own sake!! 


	15. Out of the Hurri Lair, Special Effect?

Disclaimer: Once again, I own nothing at all. Don't sue me.  
  
Hiya everyone! Sorry about the delays, I've been going kind of slow with my updates, haven't I? Oh dear, I'm very sowwy. [bows down] I am not worthy! Anyways, here's a whole new chapter, which probably makes it seem like I've been smoking something (and yes, Deb, you may have some). AHH! Oh yeah, I forgot to put in Hogan's exit last chapter...whoops. He chased after my other self, Angie. She stole his air guitar *tee hee*. I wonder if anyone ever reads author notes I write? If you do, put the words "chicken butt" in your review at the end!! I'm curious.  
  
Please remember to review at the end, they make me happy!! Chicken butt!  
  
[Kylrane wakes up in an unknown dark area. Confused, she looks around and grabs a broom she finds lying around. She slowly gets up and begins to sneak around the room, looking for a way out. Sensing someone's presence behind her, she swivels around and takes a whack.]  
  
Kylrane: [swings the broom] YOU ASSHOLE YOU ASSHOLE YOU ASSHOLE!!!! [the lights flip on] You...what? Huh? [drops broom]  
  
Jeff Hardy: [his hand is on the lightswitch] What happened, I heard...oh.  
  
Hurricane: [on the floor, hands gripping his sides] Oohhh....that wasn't nice at all, Citizen Kylrane.  
  
Kylrane: You're not Chris Jericho. I'm sorry I attacked you with a broomstick.  
  
Jeff: That wasn't a broomstick. [snicker] That was a singapore cane.  
  
Kylrane: Whoops. My bad. So where the hell am I??  
  
Jeff: You're in...[pose]...the HURRI-LAIR!!! We forgot where your house was, so we took you here.  
  
Kylrane: WHAT?! [holds her head in her hands] Hey...[looks at her wrists] Why am I bandaged up??  
  
Jeff: You cut yourself.  
  
Kylrane: Oh.  
  
Hurricane: [pained voice] Has anyone forgotten about the superhero that needs a medic?  
  
Kylrane: Sorry, dude. Thought you were Jericho. And I thought the singapore can was a broom. Whoops, you already know that, I'm off today...  
  
Jeff: You were off when Jericho kidnapped you too.  
  
Hurricane: Why does Jeff get to be the sensible one here?! I thought he's complex and conflicted!!  
  
Jeff: That's because the author lady gave me sedatives. Now I'm not Xtreme, I'm just normal.  
  
Kylrane: Author lady? I was asleep. Hm...maybe it was a different author lady. Anyway, can I go home now?  
  
Jeff: [shrugs] Ask Hurricane, I'm off. [leaves the Hurri-lair]  
  
Kylrane: [helps the Hurricane up] Take me home. Now. [checks watch] AHH!! I'M MISSING THE REAL WORLD/ROAD RULES BATTLE OF THE SEXES!! [grabs Hurricane] TAKE ME HOME!!!  
  
Hurricane: [pushes Kylrane off] Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!! I will take you home, but you can't tell anyone what you've seen or where the Hurri-lair is. I don't want people knowing my identity. [motions to a family portrait with Shane Helms in it]  
  
Kylrane: Dude, I didn't notice the picture, but thanks for reminding me. [Why have I been slipping 'dudes' into her dialogue?!] Everyone knows you're Shane Helms, it's not a secret.  
  
Hurricane: THEY DO NOT!!! [obviously in denial]  
  
Kylrane: Whatever. Just take me home.  
  
[He drives her home in the Hurri-cycle. To their surprise, someone is waiting for them.]  
  
The Rock: Oh shit, do NOT tell The Rock that he has to watch this little jabroni with the green freak with braces!!  
  
Kylrane: Who sent you?! Was it my dad?! I bet it was my dad, he likes you! I was doing just FINE and he HAS to go and send you over here.  
  
The Rock: [to Kylrane] Ungrateful little shrimp. Who in the blue hell are you? [doesn't even wait for Kylrane to answer] You're NOTHING!!! So shut the hell up and let The Rock deal with this wannabe superhero.  
  
Kylrane: [pouts] No one ever takes me seriously.  
  
Hurricane: You and me both, Citizen Kylrane.  
  
The Rock: Hey, Hurri-dork, go home to your little Hurri-mobile home and drink some Hurri-coke. The Rock doesn't need your Hurri-butt around here.  
  
Hurricane: [pouts] That hurt. [starts to leave]  
  
Kylrane: DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HIM!!! [claws Hurricane's cape] Noooo....  
  
[The Rock scoops up Kylrane and carries her into the house. The Hurricane watches as they go into her home.]  
  
Hurricane: [shrugs] Oh well.  
  
Kylrane: [pops out the window] WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, "OH WELL"?! YOU'RE A SUPERHERO, SAVE ME FROM THIS VILLAIN!! [falls back]  
  
[Hurricane leaves.]  
  
The Rock: Why the hell don't you like The Rock?! There are millions and millions of The Rock's fans, you've got to be one of them!!  
  
Kylrane: [glares] You are evil.  
  
The Rock: [indignant] The Rock is most certainly NOT evil!!  
  
Kylrane: Yes you are!! You are talking to someone who DOES have braces! And let me tell you, I AM in the school band, and I DID run for student council, ok you jackass!! I already get made fun of for being a total dork, I don't need it from some adult whose biggest asset is his talent for raising eyebrows!!! [I am referring to those Hurricane-Rock vignettes that occur in his locker room. It's the one where Hurricane says The Rock has a tiny ding-a-ling.]  
  
The Rock: [taken aback] The Rock was making fun of THE HURRICANE, not you, although you do seem to fit the 'Ultimate Nerd' description...  
  
Kylrane: [red faced] Well, I'm not the one who got his ass kicked by "I- can't-act" Brendan Frasier [I'm sorry, but I get so frustrated with this guy!! His movies bore the shit out of me!!] in 'The Mummy Returns'. Hello!! I can kick Brendan Frasier's ass!!  
  
The Rock: DAMNIT THAT WAS A SPECIAL EFFECT!! BRENDAN FRASIER COULD NEVER BEAT THE SCORPION KING!!!  
  
[While The Rock rants on and on about how it was JUST a special effect, Kylrane takes out her cell phone and dials The Undertaker.]  
  
Taker: Who the hell is this?  
  
Kylrane: Hello, Mr. Undertaker? This is Kylrane, you kicked the crap out of Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore for me about two months ago. I really respect you and I think you're the coolest, can you come and remove The Rock from my home for me?  
  
Taker: Now listen, here, girl, I can't just be kicking ass whenever you please! I have a whole bunch of people ready to have me pulverize 'em, but they have scheduled appointments!  
  
[The Rock is now speaking about how great The Scorpion King was. _ NOOO!!]  
  
Kylrane: Please, I beg you!! He's talking about his movie!! NO!!! He's telling about the fight scene with Michael Clarke Duncan!!  
  
Taker: He's talkin' bout the movie?! Oh no, he'll never shutup, I'll save you kid. But just this once. [he hangs up]  
  
The Rock: You know, that jabroni Michael Clarke Duncan may be big, but he's no chance for THE GREAT ONE!!  
  
Kylrane: [rolls eyes] And I suppose The Mediocre One would now like to explain to me how Kelly Hu couldn't get enough of your strudel, right?  
  
The Rock: [grins] Well actually, Kelly Hu DID have pretty damn good pie...  
  
Kylrane: [covers ears] NOOO!!!  
  
Taker: [breaks open the door] Damnit, now where's that boy so I can kick his ass back to Egypt or wherever the hell that damned movie took place?! [his theme music is playing in the background]  
  
Kylrane: [points to The Rock] He's talking about Kelly Hu's pie!!  
  
Taker: [goes up to The Rock] What the fuck are you doing in this kid's house?  
  
The Rock: [pushes Taker away] Whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA! You step away from The Rock and no one has to get his ass whipped! [takes off his sunglasses] Undertaker, do NOT use the F-word in front of this young jabroni! [motions to Kylrane]  
  
Kylrane: I AM NOT A YOUNG JABRONI!! HOW MANY TIMES TO I HAVE TO EMPHASIZE THAT?!  
  
Taker: [ignoring Kylrane's ranting] I'll give you five minutes, boy, get out of the house so I can go back home and do my business.  
  
The Rock: How about you and The Rock take this outside? Do you have the strudel to take on The Great One?  
  
Taker: Damn right I do, but from what I've heard from a green little bird-  
  
[Somewhere out there, The Hurricane goes "tweet tweet".]  
  
Taker: -YOUR strudel is half baked.  
  
The Rock: WHAT? My strudel is NOT half baked!! [wiggles leg] Whoa, there, big fella.  
  
Kylrane: Keep telling yourself that, Mr. Dinky Winky.  
  
The Rock: [totally pissed] The Rock is ready to take your cell phone, turn it side ways, and stick it up...damnit, The Rock cannot say that to a kid! [Taker and The Rock go outside into the backyard.]  
  
Taker: You ready to rumble, boy? Once I give you the Last Ride, I want you to get OUT of here. This is MY YARD, and I'm the big dog around here.  
  
Kylrane: [timidly taps Taker's arm] Actually, Mr. Undertaker, this is my yard...[receives a deadly glard] But you may have it, of course!! I don't mind at all!!  
  
[The Rock and Taker get ready to kick each other's ass when they are rudely interrupted by some girl.]  
  
Some girl: [runs in] DADDY!!!  
  
The Rock: OH SHIT! I WILL NEVER EVER DRINK THAT MANY BEERS AGAIN!! GAHH!!  
  
Some girl: I'm not talking to you, although you are the coolest next to my DAD! [hugs Taker] You know I respect you, daddy! You're big evil, I'm little evil!  
  
Taker: [pulls away and stares at her] Who the hell are you?!  
  
Some girl: I'm Amy. I'm your daughter!  
  
The Rock: [looks towards the heavens] THANK YOU!  
  
Kylrane: Well, what an interesting turn of events!! [to The Rock] CAN YOU PLEASE LEAVE?!  
  
Amy: No he can't!! [to The Rock] You are absolutely perfect, do you realize that?  
  
Taker: WHOA! I will not have my own flesh and blood worshipping The Rock!  
  
Kylrane: Yeah, that would be totally not cool.  
  
The Rock: [to Kylrane] Shut your mouth and know your role, you short little jabroni!!  
  
Kylrane: WHY THE SHORTNESS?! WHY?!  
  
Amy: [to Taker] When can I meet my stepmother?  
  
Taker: [stares] You mean Sara?  
  
The Rock: Well who the hell else are you married to?!  
  
Kylrane: [sigh] Can we take this family reunion somewhere else?!  
  
Taker, The Rock, and Amy: NO!  
  
Kylrane: Fine, pay no attention to the one who's supposed to be watched over!  
  
Amy: [looks at Kylrane] You're the almighty Kylrane!!  
  
Kylrane: I'm almighty?? Why hasn't anyone told me that?! [looks at The Rock] THE ALMIGHTY KYLRANE BANISHES YOU TO THE LAND OF MORDOR!! [Lord of the Rings reference...Mordor's the EVIL EVIL place where Sauron's HQ was...or something like that, my reading of LotR occured a year ago, it was warped...]  
  
The Rock: [starts laughing] Wow, this little jabroni IS a dork!! [gets chokeslammed by Taker]  
  
Taker: [to Kylrane] Are you happy now?!  
  
Kylrane: Can you take him with you too? Please? PRETTY PLEASE??  
  
Amy: Yeah, dad, can we take Rocky home??  
  
Taker: DAMN! FINE!! WE'LL TAKE HIM!! [stares at Amy] Who the hell said you're going home with me?!  
  
Amy: [sad face] But I'm your daughter!  
  
Kylrane: [sad face] Yeah, she's your daughter!! [gets a deadly glare] Hey, she said I'm almighty!!  
  
Taker: [grabs Amy by the arm] I want proof you're my kid! You liked The Rock, how the hell are you MY spawn?!  
  
[Amy's eyes roll to the back of her head. Thunder crashes are heard and lighting streaks across the sky. Kylrane ducks and the ground behind her is struck by lightning.]  
  
Kylrane: Holey [the mispelling IS intentional] fucking shit!! That's your spawn, that's your spawn!!  
  
Taker: [nods head] Pretty damn good. [they leave]  
  
Kylrane: [after much whimpering] ...Hey! What the fuck?! Everyone's forgotten about me again?! Well damnit, I should have just stuck with being kidnapped by Jericho!! [visions of his horrid pajamas flash across her mind] The again, maybe being alone is JUST fine... Oh yeah. Austin!  
  
Austin: WHAT?!  
  
Kylrane: Er...say what.  
  
Austin: WHAT?!  
  
Kylrane: [grin] Chicken butt!! [gives thumbs up sign and runs away]  
  
Yah. A weirdo chappie. Couldn't think properly, Brandon Boyd's breathy vocals kept distracting me (See my bio...it explains somewhat in the "song of the moment" area, but that would just be a pointless waste of time...like my stories!! LOL). Personally, I like when The Rock goes on a whole schpiel of insults, don't get me wrong! And no, I did NOT take it to heart when he made fun of people with braces. Like I take wrestling seriously. Amy, otherwise known as litaslilsis, got in there because...well, she asked. She IM'd me and we had quite a lengthy conversation. Which resulted in this mishappen masterpiece! Gah, just review, tell me it sucked, 'cause I already know it. Chicken butt!! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! 


	16. Wanna Go To WrestleMania?

Disclaimer: Well, I own pretty much nothing. Nothing at all. I didn't even pay for this computer I'm typing on! Except, of course, for little old me. That I own. Unless my parents have sold me to someone.  
  
This isn't really a chapter, but it's a 'prelude' to a chapter. Or something. And yes I know it isn't the usual format, but it's not that important. Next chapter will be back to the dialogue format.  
  
Kylrane sat at her computer, bored out of her mind. It was 8:37 PM (or 20:37 if you use military time, I had to go by that when I went overseas to Southeast Asia...) and there was no babysitter around. Thank God. If Jeff Hardy had come yet again, she would've pulled all his multi-colored hair out of his head for reasons beyond his little 'relationship with Trish' storyline the writers from the WWE were rehashing. And if it was that gang of pricks Evolution? Well, she'd have The Undertaker come to her rescue, or Kane, if Taker was peeved at all of the girl's requests. But there was no one. Damnit, she was bored.  
  
Surfing the net was the only thing that came to mind when wondering how to kill time. So that's what she did. Reading fanfictions, downloading music, playing games, and checking out the WrestleMania card was what she was doing, among other things. Suddenly, the doorbell rang out, causing her to jump in surprise. "Shit!!"  
  
She ran to the door and opened it. "What the freakin' hell??"  
  
Spanky (Brian Kendrick, you people!) held out some car keys to Kylrane. "Me an' Rey Mysterio are in that car," he said, motioning to a red Mitsubishi (that was the first car that came to mind...), "But we need you to drive my van to Seattle."  
  
Kylrane opened her mouth, ready to yell "Drive it yourself!" when a thought ran through her mind. "Seattle? You mean to WrestleMania?"  
  
"Yeah! We'll give you total access backstage and whatever else you want. But I can't drive...Rey says I'm stoned." Kylrane walked out onto her stairs and saw Rey Mysterio at the driver's seat, patiently waiting. There were more than a few beer cans in the backseat, however.  
  
Kylrane took the car keys and smiled at Spanky. "Is it ok if I bring a few friends along?"  
  
Spanky nodded vigorously. "As long as the van gets to Seattle, I'm happy!!" They said their goodbyes and Spanky jumped down the steps, raced to the car, and hopped in. "To WrestleMania!! WHOO!!" The car drove off. Kylrane smiled and looked towards the van.  
  
"Looks like it can seat seven. Sweet."  
  
So guess what? I'm taking the first six reviewers (well, if they want to...) to WrestleMania with me. No, not for real, in the fic, damnit! Anyways, if you want to join me on the really short and headache-filled road to WrestleMania XIX, leave the name you want to be referred to, the wrestler you're crushing on, and the wrestler you want to have their ass handed to them in your review. Why? It'll work out, you'll see... So get reviewing!! I'll email you if you're one of the six. ^_^ 


	17. The Long and Song Filled Road to Wrestle...

Disclamer: I own NOTHING! Not the WWE, not the van, not the people who are featured here, not mapquest.com, not doritos...ok, I own bags of doritos, but you guys know what I mean!! I'll inform you once I've taken over the world.  
  
Sorry the chapter's late. I just didn't finish the chapter in time. And Heather, I'm sorry, when you submitted your review, the chapter was almost completed. I promise to put you in another chapter, then, since that's kind of unfair. Same goes for the others who tried to get in but were a little too late.  
  
Hey, that's where my watch was...oh hey!! You guys are totally awesome, you know that? Even if you didn't get an email from me, you'll be in the chapter. You know why? I couldn't help it. So I'm going to go nuts and have everyone that signed up in the chapter. To Viva La Raza Los Guerrerros and Insaneiac: you didn't respond to the messages sent to you, so I didn't have the information I needed. Sorry. And yes, Deb, you did sound very Jericho- ish. But it was funny, and you HAVE been very kind to me. So uh...I'm going to try and make this chapter long to fit everyone in as much as possible. And once again, you guys rock bundles. o_o We've reached 100 reviews!! YAY! [does the 'oh yeah' dance....don't ask...]  
  
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[It's the morning after Kylrane was given her "mission" to drive Spanky's van to WrestleMania. Kylrane is packing up for the road trip. Maps, a camera, doritos, sunglasses, water, a whole bunch of money, posterboard, markers....]  
  
Kylrane: And ya can't forget my cell phone! [holds it up triumphantly] I've called up a whole bunch of people so the trip won't be so boring, and even though I thought the van seated seven, it seats a hell of a lot more if you sit tight...[scratches head] What else do I have to do again? [walks around the house picking up random things and stuffing them in a bag] Well, I guess that would be it...[pulls on her boots]  
  
[Kylrane goes outside to the car. Standing there is Baj, Chris, Brittany, Alyx, Cassandra, and Azrael.]  
  
Kylrane: Where's everyone else??  
  
Baj: [holding a sign that says Chuck Palumbo = Friggin' Big Idiot] In the car. There's a lot of people...  
  
Alyx: This is going to be wicked cool, but are you sure you know the way to WrestleMania?  
  
Kylrane: [shrugs] We'll be fine. It's in Seattle. How hard can it be to get to Seattle??  
  
Azrael: [holding a Kurt Don't Die sign] Kylrane, we're in New York, which is on the EAST COAST of the United States. Seattle, Washington is on the WEST COAST of the United States. We'd have to travel through....[counting...]  
  
Kylrane: Ten states, including Washington and New York. I know. Don't worry about it, we can buy coffee and more roadmaps. I went on mapquest.com and found the route we'll take. So let's get in the car.  
  
Cassandra: I can't wait to get to WrestleMania and see The Rock get his ass whupped.  
  
Brittany: [glares] Rocky will NOT get his ass whupped! My Rocky will kick Stone Cold's ass all over Seattle!! [Cassandra and Brittany sit in the van and begin to have a glaring contest.]  
  
[In the car besides the people already mentioned are Silver, Mr. Diamond Dust, Shelby, and Shatter. If you weren't mentioned and you reviewed...you'll get in, don't worry. All in good time.]  
  
Shelby: Hey, guys! [sees Mr. Diamond Dust's sign...."I want Jeff Hardy's hairdyed facepainted head on a silver platter NOW"] You leave my Jeffy alone!!  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: Jeff Hardy must DIE! Trish is mine!  
  
Shatter: [stares] What the fuck???? [whips out a sign] Trish is giving ME all her Stratusfaction!! [sign says 'Trish: 100% Stratusfaction, guaranteed!']  
  
Silver: We haven't even left the driveway and we're already fighting. [sigh]  
  
[Here's the seating arrangements...pretend it's a really big van...  
  
Driver's seat- Kylrane (duh) Passenger's seats (yeah, it goes across...it seats two) Baj, Azrael  
  
2nd row- (seats six...somehow) Alyx, Cassandra, Brittany, Silver (empty), (empty)  
  
3rd row (also seats five) - Chris, Mr. Diamond Dust, Shelby, Shatter, (empty)  
  
And there's a bunch of space in the back. You could say it's the storage area.]  
  
Kylrane: So begins the road trip to WrestleMania!! [slowly backs out of the driveway and drives off to the interstate...]  
  
[Driving down the interstate, the passengers begin to go a little crazy...]  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: [singing off key] All the sings she said, all the things she said, running through my head. All the things she said, all the things she said, running through my head...THIS IS NOT ENOUGHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Shatter: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CAN'T SING AND YOU CAN'T HAVE TRISH!!  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: I will sing whatever the hell I want and you can't stop me!  
  
Shatter: Oh yes I can!  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: Stop this! [flips Shatter the finger]  
  
Shatter: [begins to choke Mr. Diamond Dust]  
  
Shelby: [stuck in the middle] AHHH!! GET OFF MEEE!!! [pushes Mr. Diamond Dust and Shatter away] Damnit, no fighting in the van, especially WHEN THERE'S SOMEONE IN BETWEEN YOU TWO!!  
  
Chris: [rubbing her head] Heaven help me...this is even worse than sitting through a John Cena freestyle session...[has a sign that says 'John Cena reads cue cards when he raps']  
  
[In the 2nd row...]  
  
Cassandra: The Rock will SOO get his butt whupped!  
  
Brittany: Rocky will NOT!  
  
Cassandra: He will TOO!! He always loses at WrestleMania!  
  
Brittany: This year's different! If you think Rocky's so lame, who are YOU rooting for, huh? That jumping idiot who can't cut a promo Brock Lesnar?  
  
Cassandra: [sticks her tongue out] Nope. Rey Rey's gonna come out of WrestleMania as the new Cruiserweight Champion, guaranteed.  
  
Silver: DAMN RIGHT! [they high five]  
  
Alyx: Quite frankly, the match I'll be watching is Taker and Nathan Jones versus A-Train and Big Show. Nathan Jones...the accent gets me every time...  
  
Brittany: Hmmph. Well at least I KNOW Rocky will win, no matter what you people say.  
  
Alyx: [looks out the window] Hey, Kylrane, stop the car, there are some people by the side of the road.  
  
[The van stops, which technically would cause a car accident, but in this strange fantasy world, it doesn't! Standing there holding a sign are two girls, who wave at the van. The sign they are holding says "WRESTLEMANIA OR BUST".]  
  
Baj: [rolls down the window] Looks like your lucky day. We're headed to WrestleMania ourselves!  
  
Girl 1: [grins] REALLY?? ALRIGHT! Can we ride with you guys?  
  
Kylrane: Sure!! The more the merrier!!  
  
Girl 1: I'm Deb, and this is Bianca. [Deb and Bianca climb into the van and sit in the 2nd row]  
  
Deb: Anyone here want my Matt Hardy, because I SWEAR, if anyone [the name bellerophon comes to mind...I'm getting this from her review, ok peeps? These are her words...] dares to try and take him away from me, they will have their dicks pulled off, wrapped around their balls, and shoved ever-so- lovingly down their throats. [glares at everyone]  
  
Baj, Shatter, and Mr. Diamond Dust glance at each other.  
  
Baj: We're not into Matt Hardy, we swear!  
  
Shatter: YEAH! Trish is getting all my attention, so no need to do that to me.  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: Me and Shatter have been fighting over Trish, so you can definitely have Matt Hardy to yourself!! [they all nod nervously]  
  
Deb: [glares at the females] Any of YOU interested in my Matt?? Because I can think of some other form of torture for you. [crickets chirp] Ok, that's settled. Matt's all mine! [grins and acquires a happy demeanor]  
  
Alyx: [to Cassandra] That scared the living shit out of me.  
  
Cassandra: The girl definitely has some issues...  
  
Bianca: And I had to stand with her on the side of the road for the LONGEST time...  
  
[Kylrane starts driving again]  
  
Shelby: [to Chris] Can I PLEASE switch seats with you??  
  
Chris: Hell no!! Those two are having a staring contest again! All over Trish!  
  
Shelby: C'mon, help me out here!  
  
Chris: Switch seats with Mr. Diamond Dust.  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: [twitching] Must...not....blink....  
  
Shatter: [also twitching] You're getting weaker, Diamond Dust. Just surrender!  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: That's MR. Diamond Dust to you! It's you who will succumb to the temptation of blinking! [They continue to stare at each other]  
  
Azrael: [to Kylrane] You've been really quiet the whole time. That's highly uncharacteristic of you.  
  
Kylrane: I'm trying to make sure I don't crash into something...it's hard driving for the first time.  
  
Baj: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'RE DRIVING?!  
  
Kylrane: [grins] I have a little experience, I kick ass at those racing games at the arcades!  
  
Azrael: [there's a vein popping out of her forehead, she's so furious] Do you even have a license?  
  
Kylrane: Of course! Right here! [hands Azrael and Baj a little card thing]  
  
Baj: [reads] The domain of fanfiction hereby grants Kylrane an artistic license...Damnit, she meant a driver's license!  
  
Kylrane: Uh...no...  
  
Azrael: I'M RIDING IN A VAN ON THE INTERSTATE WITH AN UNLICENSED DRIVER!!!!  
  
Kylrane: Have I done anything wrong yet?? We haven't even swerved, let alone get into an accident. Let it slide, Azrael. Don't tell me you haven't tried to do anything illegal...well, not necessarily illegal, but against the rules...or corrupt...damnit, I know you're no angel!!  
  
Azrael: [smiles smugly] I'm the Angel of Death.  
  
Shelby: [from the back] Having the same name as the angel of death doesn't make you the angel of death. And weren't YOU the one trying to bribe The Undertaker into joining the A.P.W.A.?  
  
Chris: Yeah! With a beach house in the Bahamas...  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: Don't forget the ski lodge in Tibet!  
  
Bianca: And we could go on and ON about all the shit you put my poor Chris Jericho through.  
  
Azrael: OK! So none of us are perfect. Still, if you run over anyone, I WILL take the driver's seat.  
  
Kylrane: [shrugs] Okie-dokie. I don't mind.  
  
[There's a loud bump.]  
  
Kylrane: [feels the glares directed at her] I SWEAR I DID NOT RUN OVER ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!  
  
Robbie: She didn't run over anything, I just climbed into your car through the back doors, that's all. [I'm imagining my uncle's van where there ARE doors instead of a trunk - or boot - that open up to the storage area, which is directly behind the seats...] Hope you guys don't mind!! I'm Robbie! [A girl waves at everyone and jumps into the 3rd row of seats.] Anyone here a Matt Hardy fan?  
  
[Everyone's eyes widen in horror as Deb's head swivels around.]  
  
Deb: Excuse me? Are you talking about MY Matt??  
  
Robbie: YOUR Matt?! [everyone is making hand signals saying 'Don't do it! Don't do it!!'] What are you guys doing?? [everyone stops and whistles innocently] Anyway, I don't know what you're talking about, Matt Hardy being yours.  
  
Deb: [lunges at Robbie] MATT HARDY IS MINE DAMNIT MINE!!!  
  
Robbie: [pulls away] OK! You can have Matt Hardy!! I'll take Billy Kidman and Shawn Michaels, ok?! No one wants them, right??? [everyone shakes their heads] Phew...ok...  
  
Shatter: Anyway...so uh, who are you guys hoping to see at WrestleMania? [sees Mr. Diamond Dust opening his mouth] We know who you think you're getting lovin' from, she's not yours. Everyone else??  
  
Chris: Charlie Haas. Don't laugh or I'll kick you. And I want John Cena to shut the fuck up.  
  
Kylrane: I'm almost considering taking him on in that rap challenge...heheheh. That would be funny, I think I'd kick his ass. As for who I want to see? Kane. Definitely Kane. If he doesn't win, I swear Chief Morley will find his Title Belt stuck up his rectum, damnit. [gets strange looks] I thought you guys already knew I'm slightly sadistic.  
  
Chris: Who do you want to see get their asses whupped?  
  
Kylrane: [scratches head] I don't think the wrestlers I despise will be in matches...oh yeah there's Trish, but we've got a couple of Stratus fanatics here.  
  
Alyx: Well, Taker and Nathan Jones better win their match. As for someone getting their ass kicked...I'd have to say Booker T. His damn catch phrase spouting ass needs to be beaten...  
  
Bianca: You mean you'd rather see Triple H win?! What's wrong with you?!  
  
Alyx: [shrugs] Booker T is totally annoying. I can't stand him.  
  
Silver: Well, if I see Rey Mysterio, I'll pounce on him and hug the guy nonstop, he's awesome. But I don't think I could do that to Taker and Austin and get away quick enough without being beaten up.  
  
Baj: I don't have anyone I'm REALLY looking forward to seeing...[hey dude, you didn't list a crush, so...] but hey, read my sign. [holds up his 'Chuck Palumbo = Friggin' Big Idiot'] Are the FBI in a match at WrestleMania?  
  
Bianca: Naahh...  
  
[Everyone talks for awhile. About three days, 35 rest stops, 107 sing alongs, and a whole lot of chips later, the gang has made it to WrestleMania.]  
  
Robbie: Did everyone bring signs?  
  
Kylrane: I still have to make mine...it will all go according to PLAN...[wrings her fingers] MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Shelby: [to Chris] She's scary when she does that.  
  
Chris: Not as scary as that Matt Hardy lover.  
  
Deb: [putting the finishing touches on her sign] AH, Matt would be so proud. [It says 'The REAL No. 1 MFer' with an arrow pointing down at Deb] Mattitude forever, baby! [does the V1 sign]  
  
Brittany: [still fighting with Cassandra] ROCKY WILL WIN, NO DOUBT DAMNIT! [waves her 'Rocky loves my bakery' sign...if you don't get it, it has to do with pie...LOL]  
  
Cassandra: I'LL SEE TO IT PERSONALLY THAT ROCKY GETS HIS ASS WHUPPED! [waves her Rey Mysterio sign]  
  
Silver: [wearing a Rey Mysterio T-shirt] It doesn't matter if The Rock gets his ass whupped. What matters is-  
  
Brittany: SEE?? EVEN SILVER USES ROCKY'S CATCHPHRASE!  
  
Silver: SHUTUP! Back to what I was saying, as long as Rey wins the Cruiserweight Championship, all is good with the world. [to Brittany] And I'll have you know I'm a Stone Cold fan, so I hope Steve beats the crap out of Rocky.  
  
Cassandra: YEAH! [high fives Silver]  
  
Baj: Can we please go through one minute without fighting?  
  
Cassandra, Silver, and Brittany: NO!  
  
Shatter: [to Robbie] Do you think Justin Credible will be here?  
  
Robbie: Didn't they let go of Justin Credible?  
  
Shatter: What?! DAMNIT! I wanted to see him get his ass handed to him!!  
  
Robbie: Oh well. Now you have more time to chase after Trish.  
  
Shatter: [smiles] Oh yeah!  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: Not so fast, Shatter, you'll never get her as long as I'm around!  
  
Shatter: Don't you want to beat the shit out of Jeff Hardy first??  
  
Shelby: IF YOU DARE LAY A HAND ON JEFF HARDY-  
  
Azrael: I doubt Mr. Diamond Dust will even GET to Jeff before I do. But I'll give you some of the scraps, ok? [rubs her fist] I need a punching bag, Jeff should be good enough...  
  
Kylrane: I WANT IN TOO!!  
  
Shelby: Why can't you all find someone else to beat up on?! Why does it have to be Jeff?  
  
Chris: Because of the whole Trish Stratus thing...  
  
Azrael: And the fact that he'd rather be in a rock band than be in the WWE, so he's slacking while others who give it 110% can't even get a contract.  
  
Kylrane: And now I just don't like him. His gimmick sucks.  
  
Shelby: [rubs her head] Man, I give up...I'm just moving onto Edge and Brock. Any Edge haters? [heads shake] Good. Brock haters? [Brittany raises her hand] You've GOT to be kidding me...  
  
Bianca: Hey, can we go into the arena or what?  
  
[They all make their way backstage. They split up into the groups they were sitting with. If you're too lazy to look back to the beginning of the chapter, I'll just write it again...  
  
Group 1 - Kylrane, Baj, and Azrael  
  
Group 2 - Alyx, Cassandra, Brittany, Deb, Bianca  
  
Group 3 - Chris, Mr. Diamond Dust, Shelby, Shatter, Robbie]  
  
[Starting with Group 3's adventures...]  
  
Chris: So where are we headed?  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust and Shatter: The diva's locker room!!  
  
Robbie: I think I'll go with them, I want to kill Stacy Keibler.  
  
Chris: Ok. Me and Shelby will be walking around then...  
  
Shelby: I can't let them go searching for Trish! What if Trish is with Jeff?? Then Mr. Diamond Dust will kill Jeff before I get a glimpse of him!  
  
Chris: DAMNIT! I THOUGHT YOU MOVED ONTO EDGE AND BROCK!  
  
Shelby: Edge is out on injury, and right now Brock is probably all pumped up and too scary to approach, so I've got to make sure Jeff is alive.  
  
Chris: [sad] Then how am I going to hunt down Charlie Haas?  
  
Robbie: How about I go with you looking for Smackdown superstars, 'cause I need to find Billy and Matt. Shawn can wait, I guess.  
  
Chris: Ok. [She and Robbie take off towards the Smackdown locker rooms]  
  
Shatter: So it's going to be us three, huh?  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: Yup. And I brought this with me. [Holds up a silver platter that says 'reserved for Jeff Hardy']  
  
Shelby: NOOO!!!  
  
[Group 2]  
  
Deb: I have to find Matt Hardy. I have to have to have to have to have to!!!  
  
Alyx: Ok, girl, calm down! I'll go with you, I want my piece of an Australian criminal!!  
  
Cassandra: I'm looking for Rey Mysterio, though, I don't think he'd be close with Matt Hardy...  
  
Silver: We'll go and search for Rey together, then.  
  
Bianca: But where am I gonna go?? [sad] I want Jericho!  
  
[Suddenly, Chris Jericho passes by.]  
  
Jericho: Out of the way, assclowns, the KING OF THE WORLD is passing through! I can't be touching you common people, I might acquire your loser luck.  
  
Bianca: [smiles] Screw you people, there's my man right there! [chases after Jericho] CHRIS!!!  
  
[Deb, Alyx, Cassandra, and Silver stare after Bianca]  
  
Deb: ....Ok....  
  
Silver: So we split up now?  
  
Alyx: [nods] We'll see you guys later. [She and Deb walk off]  
  
Cassandra: C'mon, Silver, we've got to find our masked man!  
  
[Group 3]  
  
Baj: There's no real need to split up, we're a small group as it is.  
  
Azrael: So where are we going?  
  
Kylrane: I've got to find Spanky and tell him I brought his van. [smiles involuntarily] ...What? [embarrassed] Fine, damnit, I just think he's a cutie, ok?! You happy?!  
  
Azrael: Hey, if we're going towards the Smackdown locker room, we'll all find who we're looking for, right? And I like Spanky too, ok?  
  
Baj: Aren't you a really big fan of The Undertaker? I thought he was your number one top favorite wrestler.  
  
Azrael: Yeah, but it doesn't mean I like him THAT way!  
  
Kylrane: Same thing with me and Kane. I'm a complete Kananite [oh I hope I spell that correctly], but I don't have a crush on him. It's KANE!!!  
  
Baj: ...Ok. So I'm going to try and kick Chuck Palumbo's ass, Azrael's going to look for Taker, and Kylrane's gotta find Spanky. ...Who's Spanky again?  
  
Azrael: Spanky Kendrick. Now known as Brian Kendrick.  
  
Baj: Where the hell did Spanky come from?  
  
Azrael: That was his gimmick when he was in the indy feds.  
  
Baj: ....  
  
Kylrane: Can we please start looking around for our prey, erm sorry, people? I have something else to do after finding Spanky...  
  
Baj: Like what?? [begins to walk]  
  
Kylrane: [walking along] I'll tell you guys later, I may need your help anyway...[the three run down the corridors and turn a corner...]  
  
[Back to Shatter, Mr. Diamond Dust, and Shelby]  
  
Shatter: [looking in all the locker rooms] TRISH?? TRISH??  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: A-HAH! THE DIVA'S LOCKER ROOM!! [opens the door and sticks his head in] Does anyone know where- [bam] Ok....[he takes his head out of the locker room and has a red hand shaped mark on his cheek] Damn they slap hard...  
  
Shelby: It just proves how smart you two are. Trish is with Jeff.  
  
Shatter: How do you know??  
  
Shelby: [points] Sure I like him, but I'm not completely blind! [There's Trish and Jeff getting coffee...]  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: [holds up his trusty silver platter] Well, I'm set. You?  
  
Shatter: I think I'll help you with the decimation of rainbow brite and then we can argue over Trish.  
  
Shelby: If you touch him I SWEAR I will kill you both.  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: No you won't. [he and Shatter lunge at Jeff Hardy] DIE!!!  
  
[Mr. Diamond Dust and Shatter proceed to tackle, punch, and kick Jeff Hardy. Trish is just standing there in shock - useless bitch as usual...whoops was anyone listening? Heheheh...Shelby grabs Jeff and pulls him out of the chaos.]  
  
Shelby: Are you ok, Jeffy?  
  
Jeff: [dazed] What's going on....?  
  
Trish: ..... [staring dumb as usual...my gosh I've got to stop my comments...] Why did they attack my Jeffy-poo??  
  
Shelby: [gives an icy glare to Trish] HE IS NOT YOUR JEFFY-POO, GOT IT?  
  
[Hearts Desire runs through the scene with a sign, painted in bright yellow on blue poster board. What does it say? 'JEFF KISSED A SLUT-BANGER!!' Somewhere out there, Kylrane yells, "DAMN RIGHT!"]  
  
Trish: ..... Ok.  
  
Jeff: WHAT? [gets attacked by Mr. Diamond Dust from behind]  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: Take that you stupid body painted weirdo!! [smiles at Trish] How you doin'? [AHH! It's a thing all my guy friends do...maybe it's a New Yorker thing, I don't know if Mr. Diamond Dust would actually pull that line...]  
  
Shatter: [pushes Mr. Diamond Dust out of the way] Hello, Trish. [presents Trish with a rose] You're looking scorching as usual.  
  
Mr. Diamond Dust: What the fuck?! [he and Shatter begin to brawl over Trish]  
  
Trish: .... Ok! [begins to prance around in her little cap and stupid coat things with her silicone boobs popping out as usual...yeah someone didn't have a happy day today....]  
  
Shelby: [shrugs] So, Jeff, want to show me around the building?  
  
Jeff: [brightens] Can I paint something on your face??  
  
Shelby: ......  
  
[*fingers are somewhat tired....* Moving on to Cassandra and Silver...]  
  
Cassandra: Rey Rey....oh Rey Rey?? Where art thou dear Rey Rey??  
  
Silver: DAMNIT! WHERE THE FUCK IS HE??  
  
[Matt Hardy and his MFer Shannon Moore come out of a locker room that's across from where Cassandra and Silver are...]  
  
Matt: See, Shannon, I'll be utilizing all of my Mattributes tonight to defeat that masked midget Rey Mysterio, because I KNOW that no one deserves the Cruiserweight belt more than Matt Hardy Version 1.  
  
Cassandra: [she and Silver stop and hide behind some trunks so Matt and Shannon don't see them] Look, it's Rey's opponent. Should we sabotage them or something??  
  
Silver: Shhh....let's listen...  
  
Shannon: Do you think, later on, maybe with enough Mattitude, that I could earn a shot at the title??  
  
Silver: Ha! Like he'd be able to beat Rey Rey later on...  
  
Matt: Who the hell do you think you are, Shannon?? Do I have to remind you just whose bitch are you??  
  
Cassandra: Matt's mean...  
  
Shannon: [shaking in fear] No, sir, no...  
  
Silver: I say we kick Matt's ass.  
  
Matt: Now come on, Shannon, we've got to go find that punk Brian Kendrick...  
  
Shannon: But why, Matt? [sees Matt's glare] I mean, isn't it Rey you're focusing on tonight?  
  
Matt: No, Shannon. We must make that Kendrick die for what he's done. Embarassing us in his match with you. We'll make him wish he never came to the WWE...  
  
[They walk away making plans and stuff. Cassandra and Silver just decide to let them kill Brian Kendrick and resume their search for Rey Mysterio. Matt is later attacked by Deb, who huggles him to the floor while screaming "HA! TAKE THAT BELLEROPHON!! HAHAHAH!!!" .... yeah I'm scared.]  
  
[JUST SO I CAN FINISH THIS GODDAMN CHAPTER...HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED:  
  
Shelby learned the art of body painting from Jeff Hardy, who I might add, is a stupid stupid bunghole and yes I am pissed with Jeff. I was talking about Jeff, not Shelby. Mr. Diamond Dust and Shatter argued over Trish for quite a while until Trish offered to date them both - it's not as if she hadn't been shared before *cough stupidslut cough* whoops there goes my mouth again! Honestly, I couldn't decide who would win Trish since Mr. Diamond Dust was one of the first readers and Shatter has me on his favorite authors list...LOL. Deb got to hang around the Lord of Mattitude Matt Hardy and his little bitch Shannon Moore (poor Shannon) and Alyx was able to rouse up Nathan Jones from his half conscious condition after his incident with A-Train and Big Show in the bathroom. Robbie found Billy Kidman, kidnapped him, and is currently holding him hostage inside a hotel room. She has promised to send us video tapes of torture. I don't think I really want to view them. Cassandra and Silver finally tracked down Rey Mysterio, who gave each of them one of his extra freaky white contacts and a free t-shirt. Chris found Charlie Haas, who was in the middle of a lecture from Team Angle leader Kurt Angle. He gave her one of his many Team Angle sweatsuits that he, Shelton Benjamin (that's the correct spelling, right??), and Kurt always wear to the ring. Kylrane had directed her to distract Team Angle while she, Azrael, and Baj snuck into the locker room and stole Kurt's medals, replacing them with one of Kylrane's math and science awards. Azrael did find The Undertaker, told him he was the man, and recieved one of his bandanas. The group also jumped Chuck Palumbo (two times, actually...) and returned Spanky Kendrick's car keys. Kylrane also ran into Kane and RVD. The latter offered her some 'magic happy pills'. Kylrane politely declined. Jericho told Bianca all about his accolades over the years, and surprisingly, she was just fine listening to him. This is a Jericholoic, remember?? And he was actually somewhat kind to her...since she constantly complimented him and gushed about how cool he was. (Sorry, but that's the only way I can imagine Jericho being nice to someone...if they suck up.) Brittany got a personal concert from The Rock...after she presented him with a BRAND NEW guitar autographed by Willie Nelson (someone's got connections! LOL). All in all, everyone was pretty pleased. Except for one....]  
  
Kurt Angle: [looks closely at medals] Did I win a Math Bee in 2001??? AHH! WHERE'S MY MEDALS?!?!?!  
  
Ok. So the end was a little rushed, since I just wanted to upload it. I hope it's not too big a file. Uh...yeah that's it. I wasn't too pleased about Kane getting CHEATED again...but on Raw he and Rob won the titles so Kylrane is a happy little Kananite. Reviews, guys! The last chapter will be coming soon....it's not the next chapter, but it WILL be coming soon!! :) And if there are any grammatical or spelling errors...this was too damn long for me to look over!! AHH!! 


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